Dear Santa,

You’ll be delighted to know that I’ve been really good this year!  “Good” being relative, I think I’ve performed better than years past. Here are some highlights:

• I have been busting my ass to push my career further, both in my full-time job and my freelance work. And I never turn down an opportunity to help other people out in the professional realm.
• I have paid all of my parking tickets.
• This one time, while under the influence of… illicit substances, I found myself in the bed of a very pretty girl.  And I did not make a move, because she is my friend, and because I, unlike many of my peers, do not think with my penis. She’s now in a relationship with a really great guy, and our friendship is completely intact.
• This one time, when I was thinking with my penis, I was able to show some self-control, and I chose not to attend a pornography industry event despite the generous offer.
• There was an event I attended where the associated charity was to support homeless LGBT runaways who’ve been run out of town simply because they’re different.  I only had $20 bill in my wallet.  So I dropped a $20 in the donation box.
• When my friend asked me to be his roommate in a sketchy part of town and with him having no job, I did anyway because I believed in him.  He now has a steady job and we are awesome roommates.
• Even though I don’t work booking shows at the bar anymore, people still call me to ask me about shows.  I do have contacts they can use, so I try to help them out anyway, even though I’m getting nothing out of it.

So, now that I’m done tooting my own horn, which actually made me kind of uncomfortable (a level of uncomfortable which, in itself, is impressive since this is, after all, a blog) I would like to put in a request this year.

You see, my family is cursed.  Some bad stuff happens to us and those we care about in the month of January.  Financially, emotionally, spiritually, physically… you name it, people who are in or close to my family have been hit by it consistently in the month of January.

This year, I’d like for the curse to be lifted, and not just for my family.  This year, I’ve made some great friends on the interwebs, and though I know they’re capable of handling shit-hitting-the-fan, I would just really like for them all to be okay. They might not know about the January curse, and it’s really unfair to them if my family’s curse imposes on their lives.  They don’t deserve that.

Alternatively, if shit does hit the fan, I’d like the power to help.  Too often I’m out of reach or resource, so this year, I’d like to be able to help.

I hope the Mrs. and the reindeer are doing well.  Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Sincerely,

nicopolitan

PS. I only have soy milk to go with the cookies this year.  I hope that’s cool.