Don’t let the post title fool you, VidCon was truly a blast. I did get to go with friends @writetoreach @freeandflawed and @phampants so I wasn’t necessarily lonely, I did get to meet some YouTube and interweb celebrities, and some of the presentations were straight up hilarious.

As one might expect from me by now, I went for the sake of work. While Phampants convinced me to attend because the conference itself would be fun, I came with a notepad and some pens planning to walk out of it with some material for quantitative and qualitative analysis.

The “learnings,” or tidbits of statistical and/or qualitative information that inform and influence decisions when deployed in the realm of strategic consultation and execution as they’re known in corporate jargon, were largely overshadowed by the wholly disparate intention of the conference. That is a long way to say: taking notes might not have been the point. By and large, this conference was supposed to celebrate the YouTube community — a community made up mostly of people under 21, but still, a community.

Community is something to which I’m no stranger. Having a blog has connected me to lots of people, and while I am always saying that I still need to work on reconnecting with everyone even after all this time, the readers and writers who keep up with me no matter how drowned in work I get really remind me that they’re friends who care, not just screen names. It’s a good reminder that there are, after all, real people on the other side of the screen.

Back to the ‘Con: The YouTube community — it’s different than others. Of course, this might be somewhat expected as the medium itself is fundamentally different from that of blogging, but it’s so tightly knit that when I met some people and revealed to them that I came for work purposes and explained what it was exactly I do for a living, I noticed their eyes wander in boredom.  It’s not because they’re assholes, or at least I hope not, but it’s because was very obviously an outsider.

Until this conference, I really didn’t know much about the likes of Is Charlie So Cool Like? and Volgvetica and the shining beacon of the music industry’s future, DFTBA records (and really the list goes on).

Had I been creating content and engaging with the existing YouTube community before VidCon, I might have.

Why hadn’t I participated before? First, a good place to start is the situation with trolls.  Before I shaped a persona on the interweb, I didn’t have very much confidence in myself to withstand being trolled. But now that I’ve been blogging for a while, and getting some ample evidence that the internet is as equally frightening as it is fulfilling, I realize I don’t give a flying fuck about being judged by strangers, so I’m probably in a pretty good place to learn to participate in user generated video.

Maybe it’s time for me to join this community, too. Phampants has been singing the praises for a long time, he’d even help me get started; I am a huge fan of the social part before the media part; and I would love to learn how to do something new.

Of course, engagement (or at least an attempt) is a minimal requirement. While I can’t guarantee much, especially if my blog-to-engagement ratio is any indication, I can at least make a valiant effort.

But at the end of all of this, towards the end of the conference, one moment stands out. I was hanging out by the hotel lobby ashtray with a bunch of smokers who were mid-level content creators with established, albeit small, audiences. They were here at the conference not to learn or to promote, but simply to connect with viewers and other video creators they have known and loved from afar for a while. They aren’t viral video superstars. They just love that being their respective selves on camera has led them to meet really worthwhile people who would eventually become friends.

One of the guys reacted strongly to one of my comments, that I do research and development because I’m interested in how people use social networks, and seeing such a tightly-knit community makes me to want to become part of it but I don’t know how to begin. He put his hand on my shoulder, and while swaying somewhat drunkenly, he impressively articulated: “Bro, if you’re here at VidCon, even as an observer, you already bought a ticket so you helped fund it, and while you were here, you paid attention. You’re already a part of the community.”

I guess this means I should start making videos.

Getting one thing out of the way: though I do work in social media, I hate calling myself a “social media expert” because I feel that anyone is really qualified to become an expert in this space. While I won’t get into specifics, I will say that all you need to do is be well-versed at using the internet to get what you need. That that level of comfortability is entirely attainable for a good 97% of humans.*

But that’s all theory. In practice, there is no social media formula for success.** This isn’t just because any given message should be considered on a case by case basis since different things matter to different people.

In practice, I’m noticing there’s still a secret sauce nobody has yet figured out. I started asking myself something while I was in NYC: What makes me so invested in the internet enough to be here at #iwny? And moreover, what makes me different from the “experts” preaching “Top 10 ways to [social] your [media]“?

Well, it’s you guys. You there, on the other side of the screen. Y’see, I’m a blogger (o rly?), and I made friends on the internet because I engaged with them; and yes, I’d consider them friends. I’ve met some of them in real life and they exceed all expectations. I would like to, eventually, see every one of them in person again at the earliest opportunity. Oh, and those just-as-important-if-not-more friends that I have made offline? I know what they [Like / are saying / Digg / note / have on their Wishlist / listen to / are playing on Xbox LIVE / think about local restaurants] thanks to social media. Those friends that have moved to other cities are still within reach thanks to social media.

Clearly, I am a person who values the social more than the media.

Disclaimer: Okay, so I haven’t been a great interweb friend lately because I’ve been inundated with work and have seriously slacked on keeping up, but I’ll get to rectifying that soon, and participating again in comment threads from [some place close] to [some place far-the-fuck-away]. It’s like my Google Reader account is constipated with knowledge bombs. But oh, how glorious it will be to open them all up in new browser tabs. Like Christmas Day! Please note that my reference to constipation and a Christian holiday are two separate analogies.

My point to all of this is that I think I may be spoiled with how much good I’ve been able to get from social media. Don’t get me wrong, meeting and greeting people from all over the world who widen the web, and serving and returning the “where are you from?” and the “what do you do?”, and cracking jokes about whatever keynote presentation had the thing with the freakout was good fun and something very useful to me as a professional… but I missed the real bonding that goes on in social media. Awww. He’s a dork.

But seriously, very few times do I feel that ‘networking’ is also being ‘engaged.’

I am a person (okay fine, a robot) who uses social media and in turn gets to be part of a community. When I think about this as a professional, I have to question what it is that nico-the-person did to obtain so many connections to such high quality people.

Further, as someone who helps to build things on the web, I have to keep asking myself what can I do to help create things that bring people together so that they can connect to others of this same high quality I’ve been able to find?

What is the ‘secret sauce’? Why is it useful? Who can build this? How long and how many will it take? Who will use it? How will we measure it?

…and what will happen since this is probably already possible?

I have a lot of questions.

I should get to working on the answers.

Wait. First I should sleep.

_________
*but 100% of robots.
**There is a social media formula for fail.

Connection to nicopolitan {model no. RNDC1983} is unavailable. This might have occurred for the following reasons:

• nicopolitan has been running too many processes (ref.: “work”).

• nicopolitan has a new video game in his life.

• nicopolitan has been running too many background processes (ref.: “pet projects” alt.: “freelance work”).

• nicopolitan has been getting ready to go to New York City for Internet Week.

• nicopolitan has been drinking networking.

• Zombie apocalypse [unverified].

nicopolitan may still be contacted remotely via email and/or via tweet; nicopolitan may be found locally within a 1000 km² radius of Latitude: 40°30′N to 45°1′N and Longitude: 71°51′W to 79°46′W between the dates of June 6 to June 12, 2010.^[ref]

Those wishing to connect locally to nicopolitan during the allotted time period should probably contact him remotely beforehand.

Those wishing to connect locally to nicopolitan during the allotted time period should probably enjoy drinking and/or the internet.

nicopolitan’s temporary communication embargo will soon be lifted. Thank you for understanding and sticking with us through radio silence.

***END TRANSMISSION***

nicopolitan: It’s alright, all things considered.

Shadow Nico: What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

Muse: Be nice. It looks like he’s working.

Shadow Nico: Dude, you came home to work again? When are you ever going to do things for yourself for more than one night a week? I realize you like to help people but you have to stop promising all of your time before there’s nothing left of you.

nicopolitan: Well, I’m working on something for myself currently. Does that count?

Muse: Are you working on music?

Shadow Nico: Or better yet, drinking? You haven’t given me the chance to hit on any women in a while. Wathafack, man?

Muse: That’s probably a good thing, Shadow.

Shadow Nico: You shutting the fuck up is a good thing, Muse.

nicopolitan: You guys, can I please concentrate? You’re being really-

Muse: Wait, what is that?

nicopolitan: What’s what?

Muse: That thing on your name – what is it?

Shadow Nico: Woah dude I didn’t notice that before.

Muse: Could that have something to do with the fact that you’re always drunk?

Shadow Nico: Maybe!

nicopolitan: I’m still not sure what thing… on my name, you said?

Muse: Yeah, hold still, lemme see if I can remove it…

Shadow Nico: It looks like masking tape. Wait, I think there’s text underneath there.

nicopolitan.com: Really?

Muse: WOAH.

Shadow Nico: HOLYSHITYOU’REAWEBSITE

Muse: It all makes sense!

nicopolitan.com: It “makes sense”? What makes sense?

Muse: Well, you’re a robot, right?

nicopolitan.com: I thought that was just a running joke.

Muse: Maybe it’s possible that you’re a certain kind of robot — the kind of machine that exists in the current era. Not like a “hospitality robot” like you’d said, but something different. You know? Before, there was being churned in the belly of the beast, there was a “cog in the machine” in the industrial age, there was “just another number” when institutions began to serialize information about people in critical mass, and maybe in the information age… you’re a website.

Shadow Nico: That’s fucking depressing. Also, that analogy is lame. You haven’t cited sources to verify this, you’re just stretching metaphors to fit an allegory. If he’s a robot, him being a website means he exists through the internet.

Muse: Well… what were you working on again, nicopolitan?

nicopolitan.com: I was dealing with a kernel panic on my desktop. That’s not necessarily ‘internet’ as much as it is a ‘gateway to the internet.’

Muse: Ok, but it’s still technology, and robots tend to get along with technology. How do you feel about this problem? The kernel panic?

nicopolitan.com: Meh. It’s fine. I have all of the things that really matter to me in clouds and external hard drives and on separate machines so nothing was really lost here except for the use of the tangible object, the iMac; and I suppose that has financial implications.

Shadow Nico: Serves you right for using an Apple.

Muse: Hey! I like Macs! They are fantastically reliable for music composition and performance, they absolutely sing for graphic design needs, and actually do pretty great in work purposes, and-

Shadow Nico: If you tell me that those overpriced things are great for games, I will smack your face off of your face.

nicopolitan.com: THE POINT IS – I think this machine has suffered hardware damage. It’s been moved a lot during its 3 year lifetime, has run hot even during sweltering summertimes, has gathered dust and probably moisture during cold seasons, and has not been shut off for more than 12 hours, ever – the longest uptime without a cold boot was 2 months. If the problem isn’t hardware damage at all, which is plausible since all the parts are factory, there’s a chance I can resurrect it by booting something like, say, Ubuntu. I’ve little experience with it but from what I’ve been able to see so far, that’s an OS worth keeping around after the fix. That is, if the fix works-

Shadow Nico: OK you’re a fucking nerd, dude, we get it; get over yourself, you’re no systems analyst, you pretentious douche.

Muse: Harsh.

Shadow Nico: Truth, motherfucker.

Muse: Be that as it may, I still think nicopolitan being a website is supporting evidence of being a robot. Most people get attached to their possessions, and in a technology-based age, you would expect people to get attached to computers that have been with them through a lot of experiences. This computer has definitely been through a lot with Nico but I’m not detecting any signs of sadness. I would even go as far to say that he’s only mildly disappointed in the computer just because of how much he spent on the machine.

nicopolitan.com: But why specifically an internet robot named after a domain? It’s not like I spam people… or at least if I do, I’m unaware of it and don’t do it intentionally.

Muse: You live on the internet. You keep in touch with local friends and determine real life actions based on digital correspondence; you find new and meaningful relationships across profound geographical distances; you make a disposable income by selling your capability to construct things in this largely intangible realm called the internet, and you have that capability because you know how to speak languages that belong to machines; your very career is based on your understanding of the anthropology relating this intangible world to tangible action items that have innate monetary values… you are a robot that requires being “plugged in.”

Shadow Nico: Goddam. Your website isn’t about you — you are a website.

Muse: Wow! How indicative of the future! How inspiring!

nicopolitan.com: You know, it’s really not that big of a deal.

Shadow Nico: For once, I agree with him.

Muse: Fine. But I have to ask: even with this devastating loss of a machine, how do you feel about that?

Shadow Nico: Why do you even care?

Muse: I’m the muse, I have to care about these ideas.

nicopolitan.com: Um. I’m fine. I just really need to set to fixing this, I think.

Muse: Is it a lot of work? Are you scared or frustrated because of it?

Shadow Nico: For fuck’s sake, leave him alone, he said he’s trying to work! Jeeayzus!

nicopolitan.com: Er, thanks? I think?

Shadow Nico: Come get me when you decide to finally get a whisky.

If you don't know what this Fiesta Movement is, www.fiestamovement.com is pretty complete with its information. And if you remember this movement from last year, you know it made an impression.

Ok, enough with the link dump. The point is, among other link love, you should be passing around the videos to support them.

Let's get team John & Karen on the road!

telos |ˈteläs; ˈtē-|
noun ( pl. teloi |ˈteloi; ˈtēloi|) chiefly Philosophy or poetic/literary
an ultimate object or aim.
ORIGIN Greek, literally ‘end.’

To be perfectly honest, I myself don’t know where I’m going with this lifestyle I’m leading. This isn’t a statement that’s supposed to induct me into the ranks of a ‘lost generation’ or the hopelessly misunderstood.  There is not much of a deeper meaning to this.  I’m saying this because I’m not sure what is the point of me working as much as I have been lately.

This also isn’t to say my work is pointless.  This can be supported by the fact that my workload has been gaining weight, which is a good sign considering that whole Recession plague (no, not H1N1).  I’m also trying to avoid sounding like I’m bragging that I actually have a job in this day and age.

My point: my freelance side projects and taking work home from my main job have made recreational time kind of scarce. I’m even writing sentences of this post in between emails, Photoshop, field research, code, PowerPoint, and spreadsheets.

Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing and it’s a good thing I love what I do for a living. Yes, sometimes I even love the spreadsheets.

And sure, like any kind of career, parts of it are difficult and sometimes, you will want to bludgeon someone with a keyboard. After all, nothing good was ever won easily.

But unlike most other careers, working for the internet is really vague about what is the end-goal.  To become a consultant? An independent contractor? A professor? A CEO? A unicorn?

When I take a step back and try to think about where I want to take my career path, I realize that I’m already doing what I set out to do in the first place:

Working in, for, with, via, and on the internet.

If this is a series of tubes, I feel like I’ve scored in becoming a train conductor. I don’t take shit for granted. I am lucky to be where I am and I’m happy I worked that hard to get here.

But I’ve been working a lot lately, and to what end?  To work more? To work even harder?

Maybe the means are the end. If hard work is its own reward, then that explains my workoholism.

And maybe this post, which said really nothing more than “Nico is working,” might be a signal.

If I’ve already found a good (albeit confusing) place to be professionally…

Maybe I should work on finding a good (and just as confusing) place to be personally.

And from this point forward, I’m open to suggestions.

On with the show!

One can choose to be happy or one can choose to be right, and most people habitually choose to maintain control of the situation even though clinging tightly to that control denies them the happiness of just going with the flow.

It’s kind of like how a lot of people are afraid to be in love. Some of us have been in “love” and then had it all come crashing down, screaming, thunder, probably some lightning bolts shot down on it too and for a good while we would be afraid to try somebody new. We’d get too scared to label it as something in case we lost it again. But maybe what’s better is being able to label it – and holding on to it. We can enjoy it so much better while embracing it, and fully acknowledging that it COULD be gone just makes us appreciate it that much more while it’s ours.

Happiness comes in a variety of forms. It can find us when we least expect it, and what makes us happy at one point in time might not make us feel the same at another.

Maybe it’s really just a question of semantics. We probably have all we need to be happy, and can call it what we like, as long as the concept of what “happiness” means doesn’t stop us from taking a risk once in a while.

Whatever hoops we have to jump through to maintain happiness are fine. Keeping quiet to ourselves about it–or even lying to ourselves–isn’t such a bad thing, so long as the state persists and we aren’t lying to others.

From what we can tell, so far anyway, is that the practice of contentment – santosha – is more important than the feelings of happiness. The idea suggests a lot about not attaching ourselves or emotions to anything, but acting more as observers and making sure our own actions contribute to the good of the whole, etc., than to our own feelings of happiness.

We should just accept happiness as a fleeting experience. Contentment lasts much longer. Accepting that those moments of happiness are more random leaves us free to enjoy them without fear of losing my happiness. We know we will lose it. We also know it will come back. Like the tides and stuff.

Maybe we shouldn’t aim for happiness since happiness is a benefit of aiming for more tangible things. We should be always on the move; always trying. Happiness comes when we are accomplished. But if we sit there, basking in happiness, we’ll start to feel like something else was passing us by.

People who are happiest don’t think too much about it.

Happiness is for suckers anyway. The cool kids know that having contentment and satisfaction are where it’s at.

Just sayin’.

Profound proof in my theory that blogging is more about community interaction than self-indulgent individuality, I was delightfully surprised at the comments thread in my previous post! For that, I have Photoshopped a neat little image here for you all to take with you.

All I did earlier in the week was complain about feeling out of it. It’s a pretty basic human feeling, and I’m sure everyone has those kinds of days. Methinks nothing really need be done about it.

But the rest of my bloggy community would not let me sulk alone, and definitely reminded me that although I wouldn’t feel better right away, that the feeling would pass and I’d be back to cracking silly inside jokes and smartass comments with everyone soon enough.

So as a measure of thanks, I’m going to give some link love back. It’s the right thing to do.

• Oh! How Lovely! – Jamie gets to be first because she instant messaged me to make sure I wasn’t being a huge ball of life-sucking negativity. Good call, Jamie. As always, it’s good to chat with someone who says “dude!” as much as I do. Fly out to California so we can hang out already!
• Deutlich – One of the first bloggers I ever followed religiously, and for a good reason. Very rarely does a blogger have the ability to complain and make you think at the same time — to be able to point out the bad without being whiny — and to talk about all of these things in what is effectively very, very readable prose. A good brain propped up by sass and honesty, and when she’s being funny, she cracks a joke like a bullwhip.
• DShan – A veritable team leader as far as 20SB is concerned, DShan’s got this secret weapon in pontification that is loaded with gunpowder that smells like nostalgia and home cooking. You rarely see it coming even though you know it’s there. And when he delivers, when a post is loaded, he packs a punch.
• freeandflawed – Known to normal civilians as Awesome Face and our one and only living connection to the elusive superhero, The Googler, she now lives in MY town and you ARE jealous. In seriousness, I really hope she likes this city and doesn’t think Angelenos are bat-shit crazy 100% of the time. And Jenn, I will cook you dinner one of these days. And we will invite other bloggers to eat it with us. And it will be rad.
• phampants – If I lived in Chicago and produced video instead of producing music, I might be phampants. Of course, there are differences in our lifestyles. He can run a marathon and I can smoke half a pack of cigarettes, he doesn’t wear pants as much as I do, he’s in a different part of the tech industry than I am, etc. etc. However, over IM conversations, we get stoked about the same things enough that it makes me suspicious of if we might have been part of the same government experiment. Might it have something to do with Asians? Who knows. Time will tell.
• blaez – I hear that geminis get along with other geminis as well, and go figure that blaez and I accidentally started reading each other and that that is all it took for me to subscribe. And never once did I consider unsubscribing. There’s gotta be some truth in that there astrology. Additionally, considering how my sufferings are far less to deal with than what she’s been through, her encouraging me puts something into perspective: pain and suffering are related, but independent of each other. You can choose not to suffer.
• doniree – Why I hadn’t been reading Doni before the 20SB Chicago Meetup is beyond me, but I dare say that I keep up with her more so than some friends I’ve known way longer. That is a testament to loyalty, for sure, but it’s also a testament to her highly addictive and contagious personality. She’s one of the funnest (shut up, that’s a real word…) persons in the series of tubes, especially if your idea of fun is an examination of fundamental metaphysical and sociological ideas without all the histrionic* fluff that comes with formal philosophy. Incidentally, that is totally my idea of fun.
• Angela – Another blogger who was the first in my favorites folder. Her writing style is very distinct to me and epitomizes the “blog ramble” a lot of us think we’re doing but it’s what she successfully pulls off and makes it work oh, so well. Every post is a trip. And since she was one of the first escribitionists I started reading, she was one of the first to inspire me to keep up my own blog. I will even go so far as to say she’s changed the way I talk, because I find myself offering well-wishes to people when I leave them right before they go do something. May she never cease writing – ever.
• eshonkwiler – In a past life known as college, I was a highfalutin English & Comparative Literature major (meaning we also studied translations of stuff). There’s a part of me that still craves the deeper layers under prose, no matter how it’s written. I just need to be reassured that there’s more going on than what I can see with my own eyes. When I found Eric’s blog, I found that he would nearly single-handedly provide me my fix of postmodern writing in the practice of Iceberg Theory — and his actual writing is way different from his blogging voice. It’s like his blog is a stout and his writing is a bourbon. I find that to be pretty badass. Plus, he shares my love of post-rock. Bonus points.
• writetoreach – I’ve always been subscribed to Ashley and really only started paying attention in the past few months or so, and now I have to backtrack to catch up on what I missed. It seems like she too is going through a busy spell currently, so recognizing that, it was really nice to get a note involving what may have become a “running joke” regarding “punctuation.” She was once an English major like me, and she’s now delving further into deeper meanings via theology; that makes me feel like a zombie because I want her brains. (But, uh, not for eating.) Lastly, it’s fun to watch someone go through NaNoWriMo, which she’s doing RIGHT NOW. (If you don’t know what that is, Google it. I’m too lazy to find the link for you.)
• SleepyJane – Most distinctly for me, she lives in Johannesburg in South Africa, so that’s pretty cool to start because it makes her the only buddy I have on that continent currently, let alone that country. I’m actually not sure how I started following her, come to think of it. Maybe she was always in my reader. Definitely a varied escribitionist, perhaps the appeal comes from the idea that there’s a person who is thinking about the same things–about all the different parts of life–from the vantage point of an entirely different hemisphere of the earth–that keeps me reading. Alternatively, maybe it’s not that profound. Maybe we both just love coffee and that’s where the internet-friendship started. :P Oh, did I mention her dachshunds are cute?
• f.B – I used to think I had found most of the quirky smartass bloggers I needed, but I was so effing wrong until I found out about this guy. Just the right balance of earnestness, sarcasm, hyperbole, actual working footnotes, and of course, absurdity — all drizzled in eloquence. The drizzling might make him a sort of popcorn, and you like popcorn, don’t you? Of course you do. Oh, sure, he self-denegrates just like any other self-aware blogger, but chances are, he knows some things you don’t. Go get some smart popcorn.
• Andrea – Andrea, from whence did you get here, and why hadn’t I subscribed to you sooner? I mandate right here and now that we become friends because you are the 3rd ex-English major on this list (anyone correct me if I missed you), we have been dealing with eye doctors at nearly the same time, we both refuse to wear contact lenses, we were both zombies for Halloween, and… oh, dear. Maybe YOU are my doppelganger!

________________
* okay, that one IS a real word:

histrionic |ˌhistrēˈänik|adjectiveoverly theatrical or melodramatic in character or style