I think I've forgotten how to do this.

Blogging, for a time, came naturally. It was something I deployed to digest the things that go on around me in the hopes that I'd learn something from what I've seen and done. But I haven't seen or done anything for quite a while now that didn't involve the hamster wheel of being an independent contractor.

I have, every once in a while, a chit chat over drinks, but I haven't learned any new lessons. I don't date, so there aren't any fun stories there. I love (and ostensibly live for) my clients, but I'm not going to blog about them -- that's unprofessional. My creative endeavors, visual and musical, have always been floating around in the background of my life, but nobody really cares about those and I'm dangerously close to feeling the same.

This isn't a rut. This isn't writer's block. This is being uninspired.

Contrary to a lot of bloggers, I am extroverted. I don't just like people, I need them. But at the same time, I am guilty of both being too proud to ask for help and being ashamed of my selfish motive to use people to make myself feel better. The result is that I use work to push people away and spend way too many nights in my own head, and let me tell you, this place is a murky soup of self-loathing and blasé dismissal of my wants and needs.

Alright, that's not as bad as I just made it sound. It's actually very manageable and I'm a tough nut to crack in the first place.

What I'm getting to saying is that this hamster is taking a break from the wheel. He's getting out of his hamster home and getting into his hamster ball to rove the outside world.

Bloggers in Sin City is just over the horizon. And it's about time I get out of my own head and out of this city, if even for a bit.

It will be good. It always is. And I'm really not prepared for it, but I'm going anyway. Because that's how I roll, hamster ball and all.

  • Cess

    YAY!!! WooHoo! Yippeeee-ki-yay! Hurrah!!! :D (etc etc).