The following is a list of the questions most frequently asked Nico by his mother¹, with his candid answers (what he means) paired with his actual answers (what he tends to say).

When will you get a real job?

Candid: When the economy isn't broken to all hell. But you know, it's starting to look like I'm ahead of the game because the era of the full-time job isn't really upon us.

Actual: I'm working on it.

When will you make a dentist appointment?

Candid: When I have insurance, which isn't likely in the state of things.

Actual: I still floss a lot.

When are you going to quit smoking?

Candid: I'm working on it. But to be honest, the last thing that got me to quit smoking for a long period was a girl. That's not the right reason to stop, but it worked. I do want to quit soon, I just haven't figured it out yet.

Actual: I'm working on it.

When are you going to finally marry and give me a daughter-in-law?

Candid: Likely never. Okay, that deserves some explanation. I feel like everyone's got unrealistic expectations of romance these days. I feel like everyone's treating it merely like a mutual admission of attraction, which is how it all starts of course, but they just let it meander aimlessly from there. Everyone expects to find love instead of build it, and that just doesn't fly with me for some reason. I want to work my ass off to make something great -- something strong and on a good foundation, something that will stand the test of time -- and I haven't come across anyone who wants to put in that work. While it should be easy to fall in love someone, it should also go hand-in-hand with what Andrew Carnegie once said: "Anything in life worth having is worth working for."

Moreover, I don't want to share my life with someone because my life is a mess and I'd rather deal with that myself than burden another person. Also, I have massive trust issues. You know about those.

But as far as finding a mate for those initial stages, I think there's a lot of "the ones I want don't want me" and vice versa. I'm actually not too sure here, nor do I care. I fear that this is where I say that I gave up on love a long time ago. I went from hopeless romantic to strict cynic over the past 6 years. I'm really truly sorry.

Actual: We'll see.

How come you never stop by the house more often and say hello to your mother?

Candid: Because I love you, Mom. Because I am broken and I can't bear to see you see your son as broken. Because your son needs you to know he is okay and doesn't want you to know when he isn't. Because despite being broken he has learned that you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the fight, and while he is optimistic he doesn't want to come back without anything to show for it. Because your son is plotting world domination and he doesn't want to show his face until he owns the world so that he can show it to you.

It's because your son thinks you deserve so much more than what he is now.

Actual: I'll come over soon.