Like a lot of the other #BiSC attendees, I’m definitely still reeling getting used to real life. But I’m still up working (Monday night / Tuesday morning), and this is a good time to blog as any. Plus, watching me mentally deteriorate over the course of one blog post may be entertaining.
As expected, bloggers are my kind of people. As I did not expect when I first signed up to go with them to Vegas, 95.6% of the bloggers were women.
Oh! you say, what amazing odds you have, Nico! And in Vegas, no less!
To which I’d respond: Don’t get me wrong, the level of hotness achieved by these ladies was staggering*, but that wasn’t why I went. As I live to learn, I was most excited to find out what these women could teach me while I was drinking 43 on a scale of 1 to Jesus H. Batman socially.
The results are not what you think. The results, actually, are acquired skills.
Level Up!
nicopolitan has earned enough experience points to gain a level!
New skills acquired:
- <3 Dialect
- Not entirely in the direction of slang nor language, “<3 Dialect” is the only way I can describe it. Obviously, the <3 comes from the internet to communicate the idea of a heart. ‘Heart’ may denote “love” but the manifest incarnation has more prerequisites than that. As for the vocabulary itself, the words aren’t new; they’re words you know. Only, you don’t know them because the meaning is in the context. Ergo, the meaning must be inferred. Or imagined. The context must carry the following: in-jokes associated with laughter; deployment in lieu of adjectives and metaphors; equal parts love/camaraderie/admiration/friendship and OMGWTF.
- Death Glare
- Reflective of pack mentality, women use the Death Glare to ward off douchebags. While the simple the eye-roll or the whatever brush-off are used for basic reactionary cockblocking, the Death Glare is a preventative measure. The Death Glare requires both concentration and composure, and when used effectively, will communicate that shit will go down if whatever is happening persists. Advanced users can use this in conjunction with a curt quip. The qualifier of Death Glare effectiveness is measured by the reaction of the target. If the target is shamed, the Death Glare is effective. If the target just simply thinks you are a bitch, that would be a misfire. This is something I was incredibly stoked to learn, and even got to use it once. And on real douchebags! It was awesome.
- Brain Melt (14% complete)
- Ok, I didn’t actually learn how to do this one, but I did get to see how it was done, thus my level of completion in this is at 14%. Regardless, this skill actually does require a group in order to be effective. While the end result is that the group simply laughs so hard that their sides begin to ache, the Brain Melt comes in two variations:
- The Slow Burn: Strong initialization by a good storyteller, which requires variation in reiteration of the main points, pacing, and energy to establish the blast radius and longevity of the Brain Melt.
- The Missile: In the non-sequitur version of the Brain Melt, one other member of the group (payload) must draw attention to the non-sequitur itself (ignition) after it has been delivered. The non-sequitur version does not require reiteration.
- The reason I am calling this the Brain Melt is because after one Missile or Slow Burn, the composure of the group has already started to deteriorate, and further laughter can ensue pretty easily until the Brain is all but decimated. But, you know, in a good way.
- Ok, I didn’t actually learn how to do this one, but I did get to see how it was done, thus my level of completion in this is at 14%. Regardless, this skill actually does require a group in order to be effective. While the end result is that the group simply laughs so hard that their sides begin to ache, the Brain Melt comes in two variations:
So, in honor of my newfound abilities as described in the form of a video game trope that shows I really am a perma-neckbeard of a nerd, I have a new blog design that is meant to be much lighter on the browser than that of previously only it’s still got a couple of things that need to get ironed out but I’m not so concerned with this site’s completion since it’s in no way meant to be professional. What the fuck is up with that giant run on sentence? Goddam I need to go to bed already.
More on this subject soon. I’m not done here.
______
*Ben and RSub27, we already know you two are staggeringly hot, so I didn’t count you.
hahahaha death glare.
alarmingly useful when administered correctly.
yay! BiSC WIN!
Am I really that out of touch, that I had no idea what BiSC was until yesterday? Yeesh…
I wish I could’ve been there!
I do quite well in large groups of women…
it would have been so much fun to be in vegas. i would have even been able to celebrate my birthday with a bunch of bloggers!! oh well, ’twas never meant to be.
way to level up, though. and honestly, i probably can’t do any of those skills. i don’t think i’m bar social enough to need them. oh well. maybe next year, i’ll be able to do the meet up. hopefully…
Now Nico, I’m not sure how to say this without sounding like a douche or making it a backhanded compliment because I absolutely don’t mean it that way but I’m 76% on the brink of post-Vegas death and 38% over-caffeinated and 23% still really bad at math and percentages but…
I wasn’t even ready for how cool you are. Like…not even a little. I mean, I was WAY excited to meet you and TOTALLY stoked that you were coming and I KNEW you were going to be awesome…but then you get there and you’re the rockstar who stumbles in halfway through things with a drink in your hand and a cigarette hanging from your lip and it’s all…WHAT THE FLYING FUCK HOW IS THIS GUY SO BADASS AND WHY AREN’T WE A DUO IN A BLOCKBUSTER MOVIE ABOUT MALE BONDING AND DEBAUCHERY?
You captured the Death Glare perfectly. It’s quite the shield & useful tool at a bar, at a restaurant, when walking home, pretty much anywhere.
I wasn’t there this year but have heard nothing but fab things about you!
This was awesome. LOVE IT. Favorite recap so far.
Don’t forget to practice the “cowboy speak” I taught you. I’ll expect full use of it next time I see you!
Thanks for letting me hug you more times than was necessary. I LOVE seeing you and can’t wait to do that again. Got a wedding you need a date for anytime soon? Ben’s right about two things – 1) you’re totally cool and badass and 2) THIS NEEDS TO BE ON VIDEO.
I mean, I’m sure I probably sound like a broken record, but I already knew I adored you thanks to fun blog comments and highly inappropriate DM’s and all sorts of things, but I have to echo Ben and say that you were absolutely the coolest ever. Plus, you totally hung in there for girl talk and screeching and all sorts of things. You were definitely a highlight of the weekend. I sincerely hope that you will a) hang out with us on my inevitable LA visits and b) put this knowledge to good use, because whoever is lucky enough to snag YOU will be one lucky lady.
You are fantastic. I was so happy you validated my decision to pack cowboy boots into my tiny suitcase, except you were a way hotter cow person than I was. So much sexy!
Oh, and <3 <3 <3
Gotta agree, you were too funny at BISC! Fun to meet you during the Planet Hollywood “bar crawl.”
I got thrown into the Ben staggeringly hot pool?
I’ll take it.
This post pretty much nailed it. NAILED IT.
Ben said it perfectly with the whole “you’re the rockstar who stumbles in halfway through things with a drink in your hand and a cigarette hanging from your lip” thing… as soon as one of us would be all, “where’s Nico?” you’d show up like all ninja.
You taught me about unicorn horns and E and you protected our silly little group from the douchebags. <3 Dialect to you!
Wish I could have been there. About fell off my chair to see the “Level Up!”
This made me pee my pants a little. You are very introspective. Shhhh! NINJAS!!!!!!
omg, death glare- YES.
hilarious! :) and yes, the death glare. it’s universal. and it works. :)
Win win win win win win WIN.
That is all.
haha nico this is amazing. dead hooker ninja amazing.
I’d like to Tarantino this trip so that I could go back in time, make you my best friend, and be as badass as you just by association.
All this to say, no, we did not hang out enough or really at all and that weekend was too short and yeahhhh.
HA! Death glare, I love it. Glad I got to meet you this weekend.
I’m so glad I got to meet you and share a <3 dialect type walk down the trip with you. Death Glare = amazing and you = hilarious and fully deserving of Rock-Star status
“It would definitely make this meal better.”
“Or Breader…”
And with that, I <3 dialect you.
Nico, you are amazing. I can’t believe we’ve been so close to each other this whole time and it took traveling to another state for me to meet your amazingness. I have nothing but wonderful things to say about you. And I owe you a drink.
Dear DeLurk,
I actually think I’m disappointed that I didn’t make it to Vegas to meet ya! I totally would have hidden behind a pole and screamed “DELURK” for full effect.
Also, loving the new design. Totally you, totally awesome.
[...] insightful posts about about what went down this weekend (like some of my favorite posts so far by Nico and Rachel and LivItLuvIt). The remaining bloggers will write more amazing [...]
[...] insightful posts about about what went down this weekend (like some of my favorite posts so far by Nico and Rachel and LivItLuvIt). The remaining bloggers will write more amazing [...]
[...] Bean | Shannon | Lindsey | Katelin | Morgan Gable | Vibrations of a Vixen | Ask Alice | Jessica | nicopolitan | Jolene | Mel | Ali | verybadcat | Rachel | Rahul | Alex | blog comments powered by [...]
Um, you used “ergo.”
Our friendship is now officially sealed.
I’m so glad to hear you had a great time man. It seems like you line up a lot of these blogger get togethers! I hope you’re getting frequent flyer miles…
By the way, if you’re ever heading to Vegas again let me know. My mom is always super keen to put up friends for a couple of days.
Nico, you gain levels just by being you. :) Wish I could’ve been there! Next year, we shall meet, and totally nerd it up :)
Um. I need to start saving NOW so I can be there next year.
Full of love for any woman who can master the death glare! Douchebags beware!
So I thought I responded to this post but I blame vegas recovery for not actually doing that.
You better be there next year because you are a Vegas badass, and even if there isn’t a theme night please bring your cowboy hat.
DRINK YOUR WATER