In a lull in readership (are people still coming here? I don’t check my Google Analytics) at the same time as a lull in taking-work-home, I’m going for an unprecedented two posts in two consecutive days for this week.
But a robot does not deliver more than is designated.
I guess I’m posting, like many bloggers do, because I’m down, and there is somewhat of a satisfaction that comes with letting out stress publicly than in private with friends. The point isn’t necessarily to bitch and moan about having a lame-ass day, it’s to explore this idea. We’ve seen it on blogs before, and with the exception of trolls, the bitch-and-moan blog post does make one feel better, and a different kind of better than picking it apart with friends. Why does this work? I mean, blogging like this is mostly for me, right? Nobody actually reads posts that are this long anyway, do they? Right.
So let’s take it from the top:
From what I gather about being human, shitty days come and go. It’s appropriate that my Monday, that wasn’t necessarily bad by any means, is pretty much just a downer. Mondays? I have them. I have a whole case of them.
A robot does not get ‘a case of the Mondays.’
So what’s up with this italicized text? If you know me at all, I’ve been referencing this ongoing joke (somewhat excessively) about being a robot.
A robot does not joke.
Because I seem to identify with that persona, and have ever since college, I’m struggling a little bit with how it relates to shitty days, which is a human phenomenon. Mostly, the robot schtick is a foil to being human. Part of the point of blogging in the slice-of-life format is to exhibit an element of humanity, but being careful about what I say from the get-go is starting to show signs of strain. It takes some work to shape a personality out of being completely neutral. Neutrality is spilling over into my personal experience, and that, too, is getting somewhat taxing.
But a robot is neutral.
Religion, politics, celebrities, sexuality, rants, those are all plentiful on the web, and I’d rather not add to the noise. Besides, my opinion is largely unimportant.
For a robot has no opinions.
What’s important about the way I blog, being fully transparent and accountable for what I say, is that if I’m to have a personality at all, I should offer my living experience as somewhat of a case study. Seems to be working for the most part. At least some of it is entertaining (mostly to me).
But as discussed previously, my living experience is that of a robot. And this ongoing allegory is suddenly in question when I have a bad day. How am I supposed to reconcile the “I had a lame day” blog post with “I am a robot”?
A robot’s only intent is to fulfill its programmed purpose. A robot does not get depressed. A robot does not feel misunderstood, neglected, or left out. A robot does not let a pile of misfortune influence its performance. A robot does not feel inferior or inadequate. A robot does not feel lonely. A robot does not have the ability to ask for help. A robot may get overwhelmed but it will accept requests at any and all times. A robot does not get frustrated.
Above all, a robot does not feel anything.
If your robot is exhibiting these signs, it may be experiencing technical difficulties. Contact technical support for assistance.
…but robot might generate an error log and send the report to web.
…and technically, the web is my support.
…and all of a sudden, I do feel better.
_nicopolitan is not responding. Send a report?
: It’s alright, all things considered.
