Telos
January 13th, 2010 Posted in Freelancing, Internet, Life As A Nicotelos |ˈteläs; ˈtē-|
noun ( pl. teloi |ˈteloi; ˈtēloi|) chiefly Philosophy or poetic/literary
an ultimate object or aim.
ORIGIN Greek, literally ‘end.’
To be perfectly honest, I myself don’t know where I’m going with this lifestyle I’m leading. This isn’t a statement that’s supposed to induct me into the ranks of a ‘lost generation’ or the hopelessly misunderstood. There is not much of a deeper meaning to this. I’m saying this because I’m not sure what is the point of me working as much as I have been lately.
This also isn’t to say my work is pointless. This can be supported by the fact that my workload has been gaining weight, which is a good sign considering that whole Recession plague (no, not H1N1). I’m also trying to avoid sounding like I’m bragging that I actually have a job in this day and age.
My point: my freelance side projects and taking work home from my main job have made recreational time kind of scarce. I’m even writing sentences of this post in between emails, Photoshop, field research, code, PowerPoint, and spreadsheets.
Don’t get me wrong, I love what I’m doing and it’s a good thing I love what I do for a living. Yes, sometimes I even love the spreadsheets.
And sure, like any kind of career, parts of it are difficult and sometimes, you will want to bludgeon someone with a keyboard. After all, nothing good was ever won easily.
But unlike most other careers, working for the internet is really vague about what is the end-goal. To become a consultant? An independent contractor? A professor? A CEO? A unicorn?
When I take a step back and try to think about where I want to take my career path, I realize that I’m already doing what I set out to do in the first place:
Working in, for, with, via, and on the internet.
If this is a series of tubes, I feel like I’ve scored in becoming a train conductor. I don’t take shit for granted. I am lucky to be where I am and I’m happy I worked that hard to get here.
But I’ve been working a lot lately, and to what end? To work more? To work even harder?
Maybe the means are the end. If hard work is its own reward, then that explains my workoholism.
And maybe this post, which said really nothing more than “Nico is working,” might be a signal.
If I’ve already found a good (albeit confusing) place to be professionally…
Maybe I should work on finding a good (and just as confusing) place to be personally.
And from this point forward, I’m open to suggestions.
Be a unicorn. Beeee a unicorn! It’s like you don’t even see the answer that’s right in front of your face.
Seriously, though, if you’re doing something you love in the field you set out to work in, that’s a great start. Not to be all hippy-dippy or anything, but maybe there’s a definitive opportunity on the way that will help you work out the next step of your long-term goals.
As for personal goals, mine is always to be able to look at every day and ask myself: “Were you, today, just a little bit more than you could have imagined six months ago?” If the answer is yes, then I get a gold star for the day.
Stop.
Breathe.
Live.
Repeat.
My vote goes to the unicorn.
Seriously though, this is incredibly timely. I’m at exactly a place where I need to figure out what my direction is, and I’m starting to think that it’s not the one I had in mind. Not that I was going the wrong way, but like you, might be starting to realize that I already had an in with what I wanted to be doing, I just wasn’t doing it right.
Also? I need your stick-with-it-ness when it comes to working after hours. I have it sometimes, I need it more. Not that I want to be a workaholic, but I really enjoy what I do and want to learn more, but sometimes I get sucked into some really distracting – albeit awesome! – other tubes.
Coming from a place of selfishness, I suggest more drinking with that Eric fellow.
The internet… its not just for porn anymore.
Keep at it man, just because you cant see an end goal doesnt mean that there isnt one.
Also? Im with Doni, I vote unicorn as well.
Sometimes, on a random evening, I realize that I’ve been so buried in work and the house and the internets that I can’t remember my last brush with life in the outside world.
I shut down the computer, pack up my work files, and put some clothes on that I wouldn’t mind having my picture taken in.
Then I get in the car and go. Go downtown and window shop. Go out to dinner. Go meet a friend for drinks. Go to Target and spend money I probably shouldn’t, after standing in line for thirty minutes just for a hot cocoa. I just wander aimlessly sometimes, looking for something I can’t quite put my finger on.
Though none of these trips alone has really resulted in anything amazing yet, they do remind me that my personal life is my responsibility to develop and maintain, just like my professional life, and that when I’m old and gray, it won’t be spreadsheets, financial statements and blog comments that I’ll wish I could do all over again.
I think what the internet needs is one to rule it all.
Hehe, yeah, been there, done that. Did web-based stuff since I was 12. Was a lot of fun (especially during the dot-com boom), but… enough is enough.
As you say, there has to be an end point, an attainable goal. But I don’t think many people actually reach that goal. Most people are just happy with money, a home, family, happiness, etc.
If you need to revise your goals/aspirations, then do so :)
I actually think the goal is to always be asking; to not feel 100% settled and comfortable. I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but then I think of the alternative: to work for a moment when I don’t want for anything. And I don’t want that.
So maybe the goal is to make sure that, as often as you can be, you’re building blocks that lead you to new, exciting, previously unimagined building blocks. Maybe the goal is just progress.
I think you should be the first ever unicorn CEO that is a professor.
And then make me vice president fairy or something.
As it seems you’ve come to this realization while being in a good place (as opposed to hitting rock bottom before being enlightened) – maybe you’ve been in an incubation stage during the last few months/years, where you’ve been constantly immersed and sort of enjoyed it and enjoyed being able to stay in it so long. But since you’ve recently started to think thoughts of taking care of other sides of your person – alright then. Maybe it’s time to venture up to the surface for air. :)
i’d have to go with verybadcat on this one. sometimes, in order to advance in one area, you have to give up another area. since you’ve put professional and personal out there, i’ll run with those. it’s obvious that you’ve put personal on the back burner for professional. which works for some people. however, you don’t seem to be 100% satisfied with that. so in order to advance personally, professionally will have to take the back burner sometimes. the key word being SOMETIMES. sometimes you DON’T do work so that you can go out and have friends, get to know them better, TAKE A BREAK FROM WORKING. and then even get a good night’s sleep every now and again. i do believe that you can have both, it’s just hard and it takes saying ‘no’ to some things. sometimes it’s no to friends, sometimes it’s no to work. but you can have both. i know you can. you just have to figure out when that can happen, when it’s ok to say ‘i’m not working tonight’ and do something else.
other than that, i don’t think anyone else can tell you what to do. only nico can tell you that. or perhaps your muse…
I like the last bold statement. That’s emboldening… is that a word?!?
You know what they say about all work and no play. Maybe it’s time for a vacation?