Some of my most popular posts in the past have been about romantic failings, so to kick this year off right, here’s a handful more.
You see, an old friend and once-coworker and I had an ongoing game, where I would owe him a drink for every opportunity I had to hit on a girl that I didn’t take. No, it wasn’t about getting rejected — it was putting myself in PRIME OPPORTUNITIES to make a move and not following through. I’m that ridiculous.
I suppose this might say something about my sex drive or unwillingness to read into situations, but that’s a post for another time.
But the score as of 2010 is already at an unprecedented four beers in under a week.
New Year’s Fail
I asked you what your name was. I told you I lived next door, in the apartment where the other half of the party was. You complimented my housemates and me on how cool you thought our building was. I found a silly party favor necklace and gave it to you, and you laughed because it was essentially a slab of wood with string run through it. Immediately after this, I was handed a sparkler. Immediately after that, we did the New Year’s countdown. I lit the sparkler and set off the fire alarm (which was promptly dismantled). You covered your mouth and giggled. We danced to Billie Jean with a lit sparkler. I was really drunk and I’m easily distracted.
You didn’t kiss anyone on this New Year’s. I should have asked you if you wanted to.
Castle Fail
The bass dropped and we got down on the dance floor. You liked the move with the hoodie. I liked your dress. You asked me to blow smoke into your mouth, so I did. I totally lost track of you. I don’t even know your name. Mostly, I remember the dress and your glasses. You don’t happen to be single, do you? Guess there’s no finding out now.
Castle Fail #2
You moved to LA to make it as an actress. We talked about your home state, Arizona. We stood in a smoking circle and went through some very weird conversations with the people that passed through the smoking circle. We gave each other wide eyed looks to communicate, “is this… conversation really happening?”
I followed you inside after all that. I got distracted by the music and went to dance. That’s when I lost track of you.
Well, this might be a half-fail. You’re pretty but you didn’t strike me as someone skilled in the art of conversation. If we’d hooked up, I’d most likely never call you. Sorry, lady, but personality counts.
Airport Fail
Yes, it is hard to find other smokers in Los Angeles. Yes, I do have a light. Yes, we both have iPhones. Yes, my jeans are pretty cool, but your jeans are cooler than mine. Yes, it had stopped raining but it was still kinda cold at night. Yes, I’m from LA. Yes, I’m picking up a friend. Yes, picking up friends from the airport is a nice gesture. Yes, that over there is the taxi line.
Yes, I could have given you a ride if you had asked. But no, neither of us thought that far ahead.
And there you have it.
Shit, I have to get better at hitting on girls so I can stop having to buy this asshole so many beers.
well done nico. i think that if i were single and had that bet going, i’d have no money left from buying that guy beer. because i’m fail as well. it *could* be different because i’m a girl, but i don’t think so. i fail at the single scoping out scene. don’t feel too bad. :)
I have had numerous dating fails myself… including one just after New Year’s Eve… so I am glad I didn’t make this bet. I’d be in the poorhouse. :) My next question is… where do you meet all these lovely ladies? I can’t even find one prime opportunity to make a move, much less one in which I don’t follow through. ;) Not that I’m into lovely ladies… but still. You get my drift.
Do you do what I do? The moment passes and a friend says, “hey, she was totally into you,” and you go, “oh, shit, really?” I am amazing at shutting off my powers of perception when it comes to women.
We need dedicated wingmen who will surreptitiously punch us in the kidneys as a signal, or something.
I know this isn’t the best comfort in the moment when you want to you know, KISS SOMEONE, but boys like you are the sweetest kind when you do finally ask a girl out because you’re not always assuming every girl wants to go out and turning nice conversations into pick-up lines. Still, go for it, dude.
Hahaha! I can totally add to that. #NYEFAIL for me. Saw someone I haven’t seen in years. We went to college together but never in the same circle, but we knew each other. We conversed all night. She’s single. No NY kiss. Got her number. We left together. I should have walked her home. I should call her sometime soon
OH, you meant there weren’t many CIGARETTE smokers in LA.
gotcha.
They do make Missed Connections for this sort of thing, though I know I could never, ever write one, so I understand. I tend to fall for shy guys, so if I don’t say anything, nothing happens. So again, I understand the ‘Why didn’t I say anything?!’ feeling.
But blowing smoke into someone’s mouth? ACK. Is that an LA thing?
Oh, God. I am way too poor to make a deal like that. And usually I don’t find out someone was flirting with me until a friend tells me later. But, it’s a new year and you’re going to rock this.
Dating in LA is so annoying! I feel you.
Sooo this is what guys are thinking huh?! It’s so hard to know what to do, what’s too much, but sounds like you have some killer hoodie moves, and those are lady killers! For real.
After being in a relationship for so long, I’m kind of dense when it comes to guys now. It’s sad.
And I went on a date a couple weeks ago and OMG it was awkward. Dating is stupid.