Something I do not understand is how often a response to a clever quip stops a conversation dead in its tracks. I mean, if you’re being a smartass, I’m going to be a smartass right back at you. This kind of exchange is easy over the internet, sure, but why are people so shocked and confused in real human interaction?
Examples:
Scene: Electronics store, daytime, checkout line.
Her: [scanning items] Find everything ok?
Nico: Yep. Everything is where I expected it to be.
Her: [seeing the games I'm buying] Oh, you like violent video games, huh?
Nico: You don’t think using the word “violent” is a bit redundant when referring to video games?
Her: What?
Nico: Nothing. Credit card?
Her: Yeah just slide it right here.
Scene: Bar, nighttime.
Nico: Excuse me [to young lady], can I ask you a question?
Her: Oh, I’m taken.
Nico: Good for you! But seriously, is that a Hefeweizen? I was wondering how much they are here.
Her: You’re trying to save yourself the embarrassment of being shot down, aren’t you?
Nico: No, I tend not to hit on people who are presumptuous.
Her: Who are what?
Nico: “Presumptuous.” It means you assume things.
Her: Oh, how ironic! You’re assuming that I assume things.
Nico: That’s not irony. That’s hypocrisy.
Her: What?
Nico: I think we’re done here. You’re not catching up.
Her: …wait, what?
Nico: Nothing. It was nice to meet you! [To bartender] Maker’s on the rocks, please.
Scene: In a car, daytime.
Him: I just hate bad drivers. You know? People just don’t pay attention to the road here.
Nico: Green light.
Him: What? Oh. [accelerates] But you know what I’m saying?
Nico: Yeah.
Scene: House party, nighttime, back yard.
Her: I HATE hipsters! You can just sense them judging people thinking that they’re better than you, and they wear ridiculous clothing just to attract attention. They’re all, “hey, look at me!” Totally oblivious to the world around them.
Nico: You don’t think you’re being a bit judgmental?
Her: What?
Nico: Nothing.
Her: …Oh. I thought you said something?
Nico: Nope. Hey, by the way, cool vest.
Her: Aw, thanks!
Marry me. Seriously. I'll whisk you away to Iowa or something.
Fan. tas. tic. Love the bar scene! Smartasses are kinda the best. Kinda.
This is why we're such good friends. And also, was that me in the car? I wouldn't be surprised if it was; but obviously I can't remember.
Nah, it wasn't you; it was an acquaintance, not a friend. :)
Hahahaaaaa….!! Thanks for another brilliant one. I'm both sad and endlessly amused, especially at the bar scene one.
Good call on all of them! :)
not only would you not hit on a presumptuous girl, but what the hell would you want with one who doesn't even know the meaning of presumptuous?! ;) sheesh.
wow. yeah. i hear ya there. people are… something else. definitely.
i'd have to say, though, that the bar one is the best. definitely.
I LOVE THIS! I would make out with this blog post. For real.
Or at the very least ask it if it wants to grab a coffee.
I heart you, Nico.
The bar scene was priceless. Wow. Just wow.
Brilliant.
We're on separate coasts, but I swear I'm having the same conversations here with the opposite sex. Except I don't play video games or drink Marker's Mark.
Fucking loved this:)
You're fucking hilarious, Nico.
Nico, you live a blessed life. I don't know how you do it.
This post was hilarious.
That girl should be thanking you for broadening her vocabulary.
I really, really love this. People are awful, but this is fucking hysterical.
Hi again. (I’m such a lurker) Had to say thank you for making me laugh today :)
i love the bar scene. good for you.