Product Placement

Dear George Foreman,

Because of the industry in which I work, I tend to be brand-neutral to be able to give all products an equal chance to compete against one another.  I even have a disclosure policy that states very clearly my position on which products I can or cannot endorse.

You’ll notice that there is a line that says that I “will only endorse products or services that [I] believe, based on expertise or experience, are worthy of such endorsement.”

This is one of those instances.  This time, your groundbreaking product, which I will call by its full and proper name:

The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine, colloquially known as simply the “George Foreman Grill,” has no competition.  It is in a class of its own.

I had toyed with the idea of getting one of these grills sooner or later as I do not own a microwave and prefer the stove or the pan, but when one of my relatives had gifted me an extra Grilling Machine, I had no idea I was about to have a life changing event. I am excited about what it will cook, and even more excited about what I will eat, because food kicks ass.

But here’s also why it changes my life: I am not of stereotypical male breed.  I do know how to cook.  I know how to make things like improvised stuffed tomatoes*, shrimp scampi in garlic butter, and I can even make a killer croque-norvégien.  This means that I can take advantage of this product in ways that many might not have even dreamed, and I look forward to doing so.

Sir, you have created a product that is the motherfucking king of household food appliances, the goddam kaiser of the kitchen.  And for that, I salute you.

Sincerely,

nicopolitan

PS. Apologies for the explicit language. But it’s not like you’re going to use this for PR anyway.

_____________________

*Nicopolitan Tomatoes

Difficulty: Easy

Some Items Needed:
Cupcake Baking pan
Paring Knife
Cutting Knife

Ingredients (proportions are up to you):
Tomatoes (1-6 usually works)
Cheeses (feta, mozzarella, ricotta)
Herbs/Spices (many optional, but preferred are: cilantro, parsley, paprika, pepper, salt)
Onions (red or yellow)
White Mushroom
Green Onion
Garlic Clove(s) – (honestly one is fine)
Olive Oil

1. Using a paring knife, cut top of tomato at an angle (point of knife towards the center) near the top, and continue around in a circle, creating a somewhat cone shaped “hat” that can be replaced on the tomato after it is hollowed out with a spoon.
2. Alternatively, if you are uncomfortable getting the tomatoes to cut correctly, slice them in halves and empty out the centers with a spoon
3. Dice onions, white mushrooms, green onions; mince garlic cloves
4. Shred the solid cheeses
5. With the exception of the ricotta, combine cheeses with veggies in bowl with relatively small amount of olive oil
6. Sprinkle herbs / spices on top to create the “tomato stuffing”
7. Fill tomatoes about 1/4 with ricotta
8. Insert the filler items into tomato, evenly distributed, to capacity, replace tomato hat
9. Place tomatoes “hat” side up in a cupcake pan (this way they don’t tip over and barf their filling all over the pan)
10. Heat oven to 350° F / 175° C and bake for about 10-20 minutes or until aromatic