Dear George Foreman,
Because of the industry in which I work, I tend to be brand-neutral to be able to give all products an equal chance to compete against one another. I even have a disclosure policy that states very clearly my position on which products I can or cannot endorse.
You’ll notice that there is a line that says that I “will only endorse products or services that [I] believe, based on expertise or experience, are worthy of such endorsement.”
This is one of those instances. This time, your groundbreaking product, which I will call by its full and proper name:
The George Foreman Lean Mean Fat-Reducing Grilling Machine, colloquially known as simply the “George Foreman Grill,” has no competition. It is in a class of its own.
I had toyed with the idea of getting one of these grills sooner or later as I do not own a microwave and prefer the stove or the pan, but when one of my relatives had gifted me an extra Grilling Machine, I had no idea I was about to have a life changing event. I am excited about what it will cook, and even more excited about what I will eat, because food kicks ass.
But here’s also why it changes my life: I am not of stereotypical male breed. I do know how to cook. I know how to make things like improvised stuffed tomatoes*, shrimp scampi in garlic butter, and I can even make a killer croque-norvégien. This means that I can take advantage of this product in ways that many might not have even dreamed, and I look forward to doing so.
Sir, you have created a product that is the motherfucking king of household food appliances, the goddam kaiser of the kitchen. And for that, I salute you.
Sincerely,
nicopolitan
PS. Apologies for the explicit language. But it’s not like you’re going to use this for PR anyway.
_____________________
*Nicopolitan Tomatoes
Difficulty: Easy
Some Items Needed:
Cupcake Baking pan
Paring Knife
Cutting Knife
Ingredients (proportions are up to you):
Tomatoes (1-6 usually works)
Cheeses (feta, mozzarella, ricotta)
Herbs/Spices (many optional, but preferred are: cilantro, parsley, paprika, pepper, salt)
Onions (red or yellow)
White Mushroom
Green Onion
Garlic Clove(s) – (honestly one is fine)
Olive Oil
- Using a paring knife, cut top of tomato at an angle (point of knife towards the center) near the top, and continue around in a circle, creating a somewhat cone shaped “hat” that can be replaced on the tomato after it is hollowed out with a spoon.
- Alternatively, if you are uncomfortable getting the tomatoes to cut correctly, slice them in halves and empty out the centers with a spoon
- Dice onions, white mushrooms, green onions; mince garlic cloves
- Shred the solid cheeses
- With the exception of the ricotta, combine cheeses with veggies in bowl with relatively small amount of olive oil
- Sprinkle herbs / spices on top to create the “tomato stuffing”
- Fill tomatoes about 1/4 with ricotta
- Insert the filler items into tomato, evenly distributed, to capacity, replace tomato hat
- Place tomatoes “hat” side up in a cupcake pan (this way they don’t tip over and barf their filling all over the pan)
- Heat oven to 350° F / 175° C and bake for about 10-20 minutes or until aromatic
Looking back over my past year of blogging, give or take some months, I realize that I say I’m busy a lot, and only recently have stopped apologizing for it. Apologizing to whom? you say, because you know how to use the word whom. I was probably apologizing to myself. This is a blog, after all.
Refresh Me, Replenish Me!
