Well, I’m at it again; giving the finger to biology so that I can be more productive. The All-Nighter.  The nights where you just skip sleep.

A lot of people, probably the more sane people, will decry this method as an outright crazy means of productivity when they take work home with them.  That or they’re just concerned about me (Hi, Cessie!).  What they might not know is that I actually have a working method for getting through the all-nighter safely and effectively.  And I thought I’d share these methods publicly to 1. possibly help someone, 2. get suggestions and make revisions to my methods or 3. raise more eyebrows.

Okay, young professionals.  Here’s how to do it:

1. Preparing
   1. Stimulants: Let’s face it, you can’t do this alone.  I’m not saying you should use drugs.  There’s a wealth of completely sane (and legal) resources: Sugar in the form of candy or pastries, brewing coffee or tea (or yerba mate if you’re fancy), or energy drinks.
   2. Snacks: If you’re going to use any stimulants, being tired will mean you’re going to go through more of those than you ordinarily would.  That’s not good for your stomach, so cushion the blow with light snacks.  Yeah, you could go with junk food, but you’d be surprised how effective fruit is.  Oranges in particular.
   3. Clothing: Dress comfortably because your ass is going to slouch for a long time.  Try not to wear pajamas, as that’ll encourage you to lie down and possibly totally waste the momentum.  Wear what you’d wear in the daytime on a weekend if you’re staying in.  Sweatpants are useful.
   4. Tunes: You’re going to need lots of them.  Don’t prepare playlists, just grab as much as you can and cue it up.  I’ll explain why in a bit.
   5. Prep Nap: (Optional) Take a short nap, maybe an hour or less, so that at least you can get that much sleep.  It’s not like it’ll “throw off your sleep schedule” since you’re doing that on purpose anyway.
2. Get Down To Business
   1. Stretch A Lot: Yeah, just that.
   2. Eye Care: You’re going to want to close your eyes, so stand up when you do that to prevent nodding off.  Also, if you’re working on a computer, stare at something that is far away frequently so that your pupils don’t cramp.  “Woah,” you say, “pupils can cramp?”  And to that, I’d respond “Wow, you’re new at this, aren’t you?”
   3. Take Frequent Breaks: Watch YouTube, screw around on Facebook, smoke cigarettes if you’re a smoker, do push-ups or jumping jacks, make an origami paper crane, play with a pet if you’ve got one, blog about being awake for an extended period of time, organize playlists and dance to what you’re listening to, just DON’T LIE DOWN.
3. Watch The Sunrise
   
   1. You most likely have most or all of your work done by now.  Here’s your reward.
4. Prepare For Being Tired
   1. You can’t go back to sleep right away or you’ll really throw off your sleep schedule.  Tough out the day with the same methods in 1 and 2, and when that’s done, go to bed a time where you’d consider hitting the hay two or three hours early.

Godspeed, nightowls.