Who Is My Opposite? And How Might I Attract Her?
January 13th, 2009 Posted in Life As A NicoFirst, I must say that it’s so awesome to have internet again on my home computer, and to have my feeds nicely nested in Net News Wire instead of its PC counterpart FeedDemon, which makes me murderous. Wait, I just saw that they integrated nested folders for Outlook. Why hadn’t I seen that before? Bullocks. My last statement is moot as I never needed to use FeedDemon in the first place. But I’ll commit to it anyway.
[awkward pause]
So…
Because my failings at romance did so well when I talked about them before, I figure this is a fun topic to revisit upon my re-settling into the blogosphere. It starts with a dinner I made for my roommate and her friend just because I felt like cooking. Upon serving Ahi Tuna steaks garnished with sliced lemons, some salad, and some modest pasta, roomie’s friend marveled, “Oh my God, Nico! What girl let you get away!?”
Side note: I was looking for an example of what I cooked and found this image, revealing that I should have also garnished the Ahi Tuna steaks with cilantro. Aw crap. I forgot cilantro… That’s cilantro, right? What’s that herb on the edges of the plate? What is the point of flavoring the plate’s borders and not the food? Is it like salt on the edge of a margarita? I somehow can’t see myself licking the plate before I eat a chunk of tuna. Gourmet presentation confounds me. Whatever. At least quoting myself looks funny on an image of an Ahi Tuna steak. Thanks, Adobe Photoshop.
So, to answer the question: Who let Nico get away?
Well, really, it’s all of them. I am not what you would call a “pretty boy,” so I am by no means strikingly handsome. I am overlooked. That’s all good and fine, because that means the way to stand out in my case is to make the initial move. That in turn is also good and fine, because according to the social constructs that dictate courtship even in contemporary Western culture, I, as a male, should be making the first move. You can try and tell me that females can make the first move, but no moves have ever been put on me, so there.
To ladies who’ve made the first move: Hells yes, sister! But wait… was he a pretty boy? No matter. You are a bright shining example of changing the game and I high five you for it.
From working at a bar, and with a rotation of around 20 new faces and names to learn on a weekly basis, I’m not so terrible at initiating conversation with strangers. So why haven’t I been making these elusive first moves?
Because, quite frankly, I am rarely in a situation where I give a crap. If I’m at the bar, I’m working. If I’m at some other bar, I want my damn drink already so I can return to my table and continue a conversation I’m probably having with friends. If I’m at a party, I want to get to know lots of people, and reconnect with people I already know, not just one pretty girl. If I’m at a coffee joint, I want to be left alone and people watch / read / take a break from driving all over LA / daydream. If I’m dancing with you at some club, honestly I just wanted to dance, you shouldn’t have to read into it too much.
It then strikes me that in all of these typical Nico situations, that I am encountering people who are a lot like me. And if opposites truly do attract, then I should be putting myself in situations where my opposite is likely to occur.
But then, what is the opposite of Nico?
Thus, this chart. Kind of interesting, if you think about it. I didn’t go with polar opposites for all traits in my personality, because I’m not necessarily concerned about comparing myself to a crack-addicted dunce who is obsessed with model trains and doesn’t wipe after using the bathroom — and it’s not like this chart will determine a final verdict on Nico’s personality opposite.
But all things considered, Nico’s Opposite has the potential to be pretty hot. And I can really imagine this chart describing a real person.
| Condition | Nico | Nico’s Opposite |
| Drinks: | Coffee | Tea |
| Tends To Read: | Fiction | Non-Fiction |
| Is Good With: | Words | Numbers |
| Plays: | Musical Instruments | Sports |
| Likes To Watch: | Cartoons | Reality TV |
| Drinks: | Whiskey, on the rocks | Cosmopolitans |
| On Eyes, Wears: | Glasses | Contacts |
| Loves: | Technology | Nature |
| On Feet, Wears: | Chuck Taylors | Heels |
| Financially: | Is good with money, but is in debt | Is bad with money, but has no debt |
| Conversationally: | Likes to listen | Likes to talk |
| Emotionally: | Closed, hard to read | Open book |
| Socially: | Friendly | Shy |
| Obscure Knowledge Revolves Around: | Mythology and Philosophy | History and Science |
| Is Scared Shitless: | On A Boat | On A Plane |
| Is: | Pretty Content | Wishing For A Bit More |
…Who is this person, and where might I find her?
Oh now hold on! I object to the strict definition of your polar opposites, which I believe are limiting your vision of your femme totale, somewhat.
My theory is that there are pyramidal opposites, and that perhaps taking them into scope will make her less elusive as you discover her hitherto unknown qualities. The opposite of whiskey on the rocks may be a cosmo, but it may also be milk, chartreuse or elderberry blossom cordial. The opposite of technology may be psychology. Or theology. Or theatre. Which seems to tie in well with your
obscure-knowledge status. If you’re good with words, she might be good with feelings.
I believe that if you want to find this lady, who is apparently apt to sip milk while watching a documentary about tightrope walkers and wishing for something more – I SWEAR you might find her at a film festival in the documentary section.
Finally, the wise Chelsea once said that we exude what we want to be. Regardless of whether you consciously want to be a solo act or part of a duo, you probably exude it. :)
I think I may just ask a girl out if she happens to ever be drinking elderberry blossom cordial. What is that?
As far as exuding, I fully agree. But I probably exude “not giving a crap” about finding that special someone right now, which is fine, because I don’t. :)
A guy that likes to dance for the sake of dancing? You’re a rare bird, Nico. I don’t even dance for the sake of getting a girl
Would you really want a woman who’s into reality TV?
I must admit, alcohol or other substances assist in this. And the Reality TV thing… I’m not so sure about…
Let’s see how I stack up, shall we?
Drinks: Tea
Tends To Read: Plays (and Fiction of questionable quality)
Is Good With: Words
Plays: Characters (used to play cello/piano)
Likes To Watch: Primetime
Drinks: Fruity Girly Drinks (the ones that don’t taste like alcohol)
On Eyes, Wears: Glasses/Contacts
Loves: … (more technology than nature)
On Feet, Wears: Ballet Flats or Keds (But a lot of heels lately, actually)
Financially: Is mediocre with money, but has no debt
Conversationally: Loves to talk/Loves to listen (but probably better at the talking)
Emotionally: Open book (clearly)
Socially: Friendly AND Shy (thank you, social anxiety)
Obscure Knowledge Revolves Around: Harry Potter, Mythology, Shakespeare, and Broadway History
Is Scared Shitless: Neither (but would prefer not to boat)
Is: In Grad School (pretty content, but once I get out I’ll be expecting a whole lot more)
Sorry, Nico. Turns out, I’m not your perfect match.
Oh, Angela, you know you needn’t be a polar opposite from me to be my perfect match.
Interesting that we’re both into mythology, however. I wonder if that counts for anything these days?
LOL!
Following Angela’s example, the most major one on there for me is that she has to be bad with money but with no debt.
*buzzer goes off*
Not a match, I’m afraid, even if I had a twin sister.
Hmm.. where are you gonna find this girl?
Should we post ads for applications? :)
You can send them a little care package with a little check list that girls check off and fill in, and attach their photo to for you to peruse.
Fabulously Broke in the City
Just a girl trying to find a balance between being a Shopaholic and a Saver…
Seems a lot of us in this generation are debt-ridden, right? I guess that explains the debt consolidation spam in our inboxes.
I just want to note that we both have a fondness for Chuck Taylors.
Don’t ask me why that made me smile. But it did.
High fives, Deutlich! All Stars are like a second pair of feet.
I love the chart. And I have to say, Nico’s Opposite just doesn’t compare!!
This comment is inspired entirely by my iTunes playlist right now… I hope that Nico’s Opposite is at least a fan of Ben Folds. Just saying.
You seriously do not need a girl who drinks cosmopolitans. Shame on you.
Even though I’m sometimes attracted to those opposite of me, I’ve found that we don’t really fit together. I need some kind of combination. Or maybe I’ll just be single forever, lol
Nico:
First of all, I’d like to say that my soon-to-be-wife did indeed make the first move. Obviously it worked out well.
Remember, Bronwyn and I met each other on the “Strictly Platonic” section of Craigs list on an ad she posted. We started out as friends and I think that really helped our relationship begin since neither of us were actually looking to date anybody. It just sort of happened and then everything else happened in that same organic fashion.
I can’t say I know of this mysterious Anti-Nico that must exist in nature; but, I’d wager you might be able to find her on an nontraditional dating site (since we know you love the internet and nobody meets new people any other way these days).
Might I suggest you give Geek2Geek a shot? I’ve heard that’s a pretty good dating site fore people… well like us. The site is http://www.gk2gk.com/
I’d wager you could at least make some new friends on there who could introduce you to other girls who might fancy you. What do you have to lose by posting an ad and replying to a few (thousand) ads of ladies on there? Give it a shot! … And let us know when you meet the girl of your dreams!
:)
~Ev
After taking all my nighttime medications for my pain concintion and spacing out while watching The Simpsons, the TV has told me to tell you about:
http://gooddatela.com/
Try it out too.
Or the TV said it would hurt me and my family and my dog and my fiancee.
Do it now!
@Ev: I dunno if you caught this about the post, but I’m actually not looking to get a date; I don’t have the time, patience, or willingness. But thanks for the suggestions.
@Maxie: One day, you’ll find someone with just the *right* amount of opposite. But if you stay single, then hell, more drink nights, right?
While agreeing with Tristan, I have drawn the conclusion via wikipedia that if you do limit the criteria to opposing drink preferences, you’ll probably have to scour Northern Europe or the Balkans (!) to find this elusive elderflower cordial-quaffing damsel.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sambucus_nigra#Uses
I speak from experience when I say it beats a Cosmo anytime ;P
Wow, there’s so much to address!
Scanning your list, I think I would look for her at parks. Just look for the girl with the tea bag tag sticking out of her coffeehouse cup, and a good nonfiction book in her hand. So there’s that.
While I am married and therefore wholly unavailable, I cannot help but note:
I prefer coffee, but I do drink tea as well..
Reading “Blink”, about the unconscious mind..
Happily keeping books for a multimillion dollar division and pursing a degree in Finance….
Sorry, no sports.
Addicted to reality tv.
All about a Cosmo.
Wearing contacts now.
Lover of all critters and plants. Even poison ivy, oak and sumac, which I am not allergic to.
Heels, check.
Let’s just not talk about debt, m’kay?
Likes to talk? Dude, people back away from me sometimes. I’m that girl.
Open book, blog, whatever. You know how I feel about things, that’s my point.
Socially- a healthy mix between friendly and shy.
No history knowledge. Psychology and botany maybe.
How about: Scared Shitless- Most of the Time. ;)
See, I don’t want a bit more. I want A LOT more.
That was fun. I hope you find her, doll. ;)
oh, damn. other than the tea and the reality tv and always wanting MORE, you and i are sames! does this bode well or poorly for our band?
@verybadcat: Not hard pressed to find her, but comparison surveys sure are fun, aren’t they? :)
@gina clover: It bodes WELL — or at least we’d be a good drinking team. …You’re scared of boats, too?
Congrats, love! You’ve won the Lemonade Award, courtesy of yours truly. :) Click here for further instructions.
This chart is basically brilliant. Whether it’s based on opposites or something else, I do think it’s a good idea to have an image in your mind (not necessarily a physical image) of who you’re looking for so that when you find her, you don’t miss out because your nose is stuck in a book!
And yeah– one of my roommates is a “pretty boy” and girls make the first move on him All. The. Time. Interestingly, he only seems to be into the ones who don’t…