Got my bags packed, off to NYC for a week.
[All synonyms for excitement here]
Pictures promised. :)
Archive for August, 2008
NYC Bound
Thursday, August 28th, 2008Bartendresses
Monday, August 25th, 2008
I really should just the word “bartender” if only for the convenience of it being a shorter word…
Moving on to the real meat of this post, I’ve been seeing a trend at our bar lately:
Our new hires, if female, are always unreasonably attractive.
Y’see, we’ve got a new one this time around, and she is gorgeous. And not stereotypical supermodel gorgeous, because let’s face it, there’s nothing attractive about the worry that if you tap her on the shoulder you’ll break her collar bone. No, our new bartendress has a healthy color to her skin and has curves that kill.
And how they kill, those murderous curves.
But what really makes her a winner is that she’ll smile at you when you get her attention and will giggle at your stupid quips when you order or receive your drink. Nice and flirty, she knows how to leak a good tip out of you. Smart girl.
And that’s why I like her. She makes us money. It also helps that I firmly believe there’s nothing more attractive in a woman than when you can tell there are some well-oiled gears turning in her brain. Not necessarily the hint of being manipulative, just knowing there’s more to her than she’s letting on.
I realize that’s vague but it’s meant to be. Besides, it relinquishes us of qualifying females on superficial tenets.
To be fair, our bar owner let me know that he wanted to specifically hire “some hot chicks up in here” as he so eloquently put it, but I didn’t know he was actually going to follow through with it. I thought it was him being a bro. Seeing it in action has certainly convinced me that this is actually a sound business strategy – especially if she herself is in on it.
Oh, how we men are so easily manipulated. And oh, how we men who hire the manipulators are probably also manipulatees of these ever-so-skilled manipuladies.
This means that the word “bartender” simply doesn’t cut it. “Bartendress” is a higher achievement and connotes abilities that are just not possible with male hires.
You’re a good looking bartender? Cool, you can probably sling some mean drinks. Good for you.
You’re a good looking bartendress? Nay, you are a goddess. Men will ritually sacrifice their sobriety as offerings, and will prostrate themselves at your feet in humility and adoration just to get a stolen look at your pedicure.
Murderous curves, indeed.
And now, at our bar, dangerous curves ahead.
Gentlemen, watch your downhill speed.
A Story About Drugs
Tuesday, August 19th, 2008[edit] Wrote the following last night and totally forgot to hit “publish”. Anyway: [/edit]
That last post was kind of cryptic, I realize. And that’s too bad, since that was post #200. Damn. Way to make that one special.
And I didn’t think this would help, but I went out for a couple of drinks with some coworkers and it happened to loosen up a few cogs. And it elicited a conversation that I realize I haven’t recounted on this blog!
This post concerns ecstasy and non-reckless use thereof. Yes, it’s possible, if you know what you’re doing. No, I do not recommend it for everyone.
And no, I am not an e-tard. I think this experience is a number of years behind me.
During the conversation, one of my coworkers brought up how easy it is to converse while rolling. This is because when you do roll, you become genuinely invested in any conversation regardless of its subject matter. And talking about this reminded me of a specific interaction I once had while smoking a cigarette outside of my then-dorm room, and upon further recollection, revealed the contrast between what I had said and what I would have said had I been completely sober.
The comparison is interesting.
Sober
Nico: (sees girl fiddle with phone)
Girl: (offers a polite smile)
Nico: (Nods in acknowledgment)
Girl: (turns other way)
Nico: (returns to smoking and staring blankly)
Rolling (or, what actually happened)
Nico: (sees girl fiddle with phone)
Girl: (offers a polite smile)
Nico: Are you waiting for someone? I live in this dorm, I can let you in.
Girl: Oh, no, I’m just waiting for my friend to use the bathroom. I have to go to this damn party…
Nico: You don’t sound excited about the party.
Girl: (scoffs) I’m totally not excited.
Nico: Why? I mean, it’s a party. The point of those is fun, right?
Girl: (scoffs again) Ugh, I have to wake up really early tomorrow, so I don’t wanna go.
Nico: Why not just bail, then?
Girl: Because my sisters are dragging me to it.
Nico: (internal: Oh, she’s a sorority girl.) Aw, that’s lame. Why do you have to wake up early?
Girl: I have to get my nails re-done for this brunch because my family is gonna be in town and I have to dress up and I just … don’t feel like it.
Nico: What’s wrong with your nails now?
Girl: (shows me her nails)
Nico: Oh. Yeah, it’d be a good idea to get those done.
Girl: Oh, gee, thanks.
Nico: What? You said it yourself they need to get re-done.
Girl: (becoming reticent) Hm.
Nico: So are you going to get French tips again?
Girl: (intrigued) I was thinking about it. How do you even know what that is?
Nico: My girlfriend had it done once. Looks nice. Not for everyone, though.
Girl: (lets her guard down now that she knows I have a girlfriend) Oh. Yeah, I just like how it looks. But I dunno, I might just do something simple.
Nico: What time is your family meeting?
Girl: It’s brunch.
Nico: Yeah, go with something simple. If your appointment is in the morning you want enough time for them to put on a nice top coat. Don’t rush them or seem rushed because then they’ll do a crappy job. Service industry, you know.
Girl: Something simple like what?
Nico: Like, a maroon, or a dark color – but not black. Something mature, so nothing too sparkly. It would be good to show your parents classier traditional nails, like you’re grown up. Like college has made you more mature.
Girl: Aw, but I like pink. I usually get pink.
Nico: Oh, pink totally works for you don’t get me wrong. But you said you’re getting your nails done for a family gathering, and in that case it’s good to portray an air of maturity no matter how much you’d like to stay a kid. Could be a pleasant surprise for them. Give them that whole “my little girl is growing up!” kind of reaction, even if it is subconscious.
Girl: …So really? You think I should get a dark color?
Nico: (nods, takes a drag on cigarette)
Girl: …are you gay or something?
Nico: What? No, I said I have a girlfriend.
Girl: You could totally be lying.
Nico: Why would I lie? I’m on drugs.
Girl: You’re on drugs?
Nico: (nods) I’m rolling.
Girl: (laughs loudly) No wonder!
Nico: Yeah! I know, right?
Girl: Most guys would not even give a crap about nails!
Nico: But aren’t you glad that this one is? At least for the time being?
Girl: Yeah, it was kind of like girl talk. (Shakes her head) You are so … interesting.
Nico: (shrugs) It’s been said before.
(her friends stumble drunkenly out of the dorm and hang on her. She begins walking with the group and waves goodbye)
Nico: (nods head and returns to smoking while staring blankly)
Not Into It.
Monday, August 18th, 2008Brain is hazy. I don’t know what’s up. Could be a coffee crash.
Will get back into the swing of things eventually.
In the meantime, here’s a morbid image. Not meant seriously, of course.
Just thought maybe putting this out there might be useful for other people who are also brain-foggy.
What Sitcoms Have Taught Me
Thursday, August 14th, 2008One night, two birthday parties. Which one to go to?
On one hand there is the good friend I have known for 12 years who will be in town for her birthday, in which she and our cohorts will be drunk bowling and subsequently singing drunk karaoke. I can most likely catch a ride from another friend, and the night will end at a reasonable hour.
On the other hand, there is the pretty other friend I’ve known for much less time, who flirts with me (ok, and everyone else) when she’s drunk and has cute and interesting friends who dress nicely, and she has contacts in my industry I really should be talking to. In this event I will attend alone, and there will probably be karaoke. I’ll have to drive myself and the night will end at an unreasonably late hour.
In either case I bet I’m going to end up singing a duet for “A Whole New World” from Disney’s Aladdin. That’s not a sex joke. Even though it should be.
If sitcoms have taught me anything, it’s that I should go to the one. The other sounds tempting, but the one is what I’m planning on attending. Just because I’ve known her longer, and yes, I have the prospect of being drunker as my chances of rounding up a designated driver are much higher in this case.
But what do you make of the situation? What would happen if I went to the other?
User #10,000!
Friday, August 8th, 2008
I rarely win anything in my life. But today, that has changed.
By random happenstance, I signed up for SecondBrain simply because I love social network aggregators and have to keep up on these things because of the nature of my work. Additionally, stamping every damn social network I see with the name “nicopolitan” is a good way to secure net-real-estate for my net-identity. And I don’t know why I do this. I’m not looking to SEO or anything like that even though I should be seeking that out, it just happens to be a fortunate side effect. Resultingly, my username is actually more popular than the real definition of nicopolitan (which I had no idea was a real word until lately)! You can know virtually everything there is to know about me by simply Googling my username. To quote d-blogged: I’m easier to track down than a glass of water. [source]
Seriously, though, check out SecondBrain and let me know what you think. I’m starting to like it but I can’t yet tell what makes it special. And who is on this network? Mostly hyperconnected people. Ah, my people…
Back to the subject line, I am user #10,000 on SecondBrain, and to congratulate me, SecondBrain is sending me a $100 gift credit for Amazon.com! I even got an email from the CEO! Quite frankly, I would have prefered a trip to Norway since it is a beautiful country and where SecondBrain is based, but I’ll take what I can get.
Now the issue is… what do I get with this gift card? I feel like I should do a pay-it-forward thing I’ve been seeing so much on 20Somethings but I don’t know how to go about that.
Ideas?
Music Consumer Guerrilla Ethics
Monday, August 4th, 2008Everyone’s a music expert these days. I’ve found that musicians and music afficionados have a particular conviction on how and why they consume others’ music.
So in a post less wordy and completely not as self-indulgent as my usual blogginz, I’m going to present a flow-chart on what I think should be the new ethics for music consumption. And I want your opinion!
Granted, this chart may incite deliberation on what qualifies making a label “major”, but this is a work in progress. This is, however, based on the fact that musicians signed to a label make no money and that finally, the industry is getting its just rewards for exploiting musicians.
Knowing how real music fans treat music could lead us to a better way for the industry to stop doing the dance with obsolescence – and will hopefully lend some insight as to how to get artists paid, and how then we, as consumers, can get a better product.
So tell me: How do you support music?
