It’s All Of The Good That Won’t Come Out Of Me

It was in a conversation over drinks last night that some friends and I were able to unearth who exactly it is I become in my alternate personality, Shadow Nicopolitan.

A shadow personality is not necessarily just the opposite of one’s default personality, contrary to what I initially believed.  I haven’t been Shadow Nicopolitan for a while, and only after establishing some distance between my shadow and myself, I’ve figured out that the shadow is more accurately defined when particular reactions complement my personality under special circumstances.

Case in point, Shadow Nicopolitan is:

• An attention whore on the stage.  He loves it when your eyes are on him, and he will flail violently, jump around, smack his guitar like he’s trying to break it, will whip his hair around like it’s on fire, will cut himself and bleed all over the guitar pedals to make sure that you are paying attention to him.
• Someone who can and will actually dance (!), especially if he standing next to a gigantic subwoofer at a drum n bass show.
• Probably on drugs when he is dancing.
• A good public speaker - he will become erudite and eloquent, will gesticulate emphatically, will smile artificially, and snap his fingers when he thinks you’re not paying attention.
• Someone who will retaliate getting pushed into a mosh pit by giving you a shoulder check with his entire upper body, or at least a violent elbow to the chest.
• Fantastic under pressure.
• A bullshitter who can talk the talk, a networker who can read people, and a witty, friendly person who can work the room.

Regular Nicopolitan is just some guy with glasses and a positive disposition.  Shadow Nicopolitan is a rockstar and a badass.  He even comes out in relationships, and will probably be the first one in the relationship to say “I love you,” and he will mean it.

However, Shadow Nicopolitan also has many negative qualities.  He will speak before thinking when faced with an emotionally jarring situation, he will inadvertently raise his voice, he will guilt trip you into saying things you didn’t want to admit, he is jealous, and his defense for his insecurities are often an offense.

In my personal opinion, Shadow Nicopolitan is a weirdo.  A lot of those qualities I would say I don’t possess, even if I know I’m capable of them.  I really don’t like to dance.  I don’t enjoy being fake when I network, nor do I ever do it on purpose.  And by and large, I rarely run into having to turn into Shadow Nicopolitan while I’m in a relationship.  It weirds me out that I know that I can do these things, that I will rarely have to do these things, and that it always shocks me when I do do these things.

A shadow personality is not your opposite.  It is that portion of your id that comes out when someone shines a spotlight on you and you are compelled do something.  A shadow can only be seen when someone or something casts a light on you, and your shadow will be more defined the brighter the lights.

So I want to ask everyone:

Who is that person you have as a shadow?