Archive for June, 2008

Poop Much?

Friday, June 27th, 2008

I work in marketing.  So it’s a forehead-slapper when I see someone screw it up.

Take, for instance, targeted advertising.  Based on algorithms that scan sites’ respective content for certain words and themes, an ad generator can create a targeted banner ad that might appeal to that website’s visitors.

I visited the 20somethings today and discovered a “targeted ad” that may suggest something about our personalities.

Maybe we all say “shit!” and “I’m getting old” a little too much, because the targeted advertising is reacting this way:

It's All Of The Good That Won't Come Out Of Me

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

It was in a conversation over drinks last night that some friends and I were able to unearth who exactly it is I become in my alternate personality, Shadow Nicopolitan.

A shadow personality is not necessarily just the opposite of one’s default personality, contrary to what I initially believed.  I haven’t been Shadow Nicopolitan for a while, and only after establishing some distance between my shadow and myself, I’ve figured out that the shadow is more accurately defined when particular reactions complement my personality under special circumstances.

Case in point, Shadow Nicopolitan is:

  • An attention whore on the stage.  He loves it when your eyes are on him, and he will flail violently, jump around, smack his guitar like he’s trying to break it, will whip his hair around like it’s on fire, will cut himself and bleed all over the guitar pedals to make sure that you are paying attention to him.
  • Someone who can and will actually dance (!), especially if he standing next to a gigantic subwoofer at a drum n bass show.
  • Probably on drugs when he is dancing.
  • A good public speaker – he will become erudite and eloquent, will gesticulate emphatically, will smile artificially, and snap his fingers when he thinks you’re not paying attention.
  • Someone who will retaliate getting pushed into a mosh pit by giving you a shoulder check with his entire upper body, or at least a violent elbow to the chest.
  • Fantastic under pressure.
  • A bullshitter who can talk the talk, a networker who can read people, and a witty, friendly person who can work the room.

Regular Nicopolitan is just some guy with glasses and a positive disposition.  Shadow Nicopolitan is a rockstar and a badass.  He even comes out in relationships, and will probably be the first one in the relationship to say “I love you,” and he will mean it.

However, Shadow Nicopolitan also has many negative qualities.  He will speak before thinking when faced with an emotionally jarring situation, he will inadvertently raise his voice, he will guilt trip you into saying things you didn’t want to admit, he is jealous, and his defense for his insecurities are often an offense.

In my personal opinion, Shadow Nicopolitan is a weirdo.  A lot of those qualities I would say I don’t possess, even if I know I’m capable of them.  I really don’t like to dance.  I don’t enjoy being fake when I network, nor do I ever do it on purpose.  And by and large, I rarely run into having to turn into Shadow Nicopolitan while I’m in a relationship.  It weirds me out that I know that I can do these things, that I will rarely have to do these things, and that it always shocks me when I do do these things.

A shadow personality is not your opposite.  It is that portion of your id that comes out when someone shines a spotlight on you and you are compelled do something.  A shadow can only be seen when someone or something casts a light on you, and your shadow will be more defined the brighter the lights.

So I want to ask everyone:

Who is that person you have as a shadow?

Nicopolitan – your personal creative suite

Monday, June 23rd, 2008

When people figure out you know how to Photoshop, you get asked to hack together weird shit all the time.

I have discovered that during those times, weirder requests = better results.

[actual conversation is edited for brevity]
vince: hey
nico: yea?
vince: Interested in hacking together a photoshop montage?
nico: a montage?
vince: I request you combine the following elements in any way you see fit: BBQing, Super Soakers, Swat team.
nico: lemme see what i can do

[an hour later]

vince: OMGAwesomezozrz
vince: That is better than I could have possibly imagined
nico: i like how we’re cooking a swat team

Telenamored

Thursday, June 19th, 2008

tele- or tel-
[pref.] Distance; distant

enamored
[adjective]
marked by foolish or unreasoning fondness

I know I’ve said before that portmanteau holds a special place in my heart but sometimes it’s the only way to describe a condition.

There are blog crushes, there’s internet stalking, and then there’s being telenamored. Part of my duties in working on the internet is best described as field research. And in turn, internet excavation entails finding really fascinating sites put up by people to whom I will never talk or have any interaction.  So I begin lurking.

There’s the cute girl I found who is detailing the journey about having a sickness that is not yet diagnosed by medical science, and the progress she makes in trying to find out what the problem is.  There’s the guy who works in the video game industry who makes presentations on the subject and is trying to further it as a legitimate art medium.  There’s the fascinatingly snide girl who, for all intents and purposes, is an outright bitch, only on purpose and to everyone, because she hates the world, but for some reason, will drop her guard publicly and let everyone see what’s going on in her head via her blog.  There’s the guy who can make impressively stellar drawings using nothing more than a mouse pointer and a paint program.  There’s the poetess from Ukraine, who writes in English broken only enough to be a special kind of beautifully fragile.

These are the travels of the starship Nicopolitan.  But unlike Captain Kirk, I don’t feel like I should fuck with their respective ecosystems by landing on their stars and traipsing around pretending I belong there.  And you’d think I would, because I work in marketing, and going in blindly (boldly?) to establish a mutually beneficial relationship with site owners is our gig.  But these sites were internet detritus as far as our research goes.  They weren’t targeted as someone who’d be interested in a free blah blah blah in exchange for blah blah blah. blah.  They never got contacted.  But this doesn’t mean that I ditch them.  No, I bookmark them or subscribe to their feeds.  Bloghopping is easy when you do it for a living.

But I read them religiously.  And I miss them when they haven’t posted for a while.  But I can’t tell them this because I feel like there’s an air of illegitimacy by simply the possibility that they’d see me as a spammer.  So I keep these people for myself.

It’s inadvertent stalking.  But it doesn’t really go that far because it’s not like I’m obsessed, either, I just find personal edification in having collected so many different life samples from the internet.

I should probably note that it’s thanks to 20something Bloggers I actually do get to have an exchange with people I love to read, and it’s great being part of a community that didn’t pre-judge me (you guys rule, in all seriousness).  It’s like a grab bag of stuff I love to read; stuff from the giant meta-collective non-fiction of the internet.

When is delurking week, anyway?

Also, holy crap it’s hot out here in LA.

Hangover #4 (and [4x3x2]+1=25)

Sunday, June 15th, 2008

25.

Yep, yesterday was my birthday. And this is going to be a long post because I’d like to remember these details later.

About this time I should be having what I believe they call is a quarterlife crisis. This has yet to be seen. I have the feeling that if you’re reading this you’ll have seen it coming and may be amused at when that does occur. When or if it does occur.

People who know me well enough know that I like to imagine my life as a metafiction where foreshadowing is a mechanic of the story. Of course, nobody can really tell the future, but sometimes, it’s fun and easy to suggest foreshadowing via literary conventions. It’s also fun for people to imagine their lives told in the form of art. Life as a book. Life as a movie. Life as a concept album.

I bet you do it, too. We all do.

Anyways, I should probably detail yesterday’s happenings. This has been, by far, the strangest birthday I’ve ever experienced. Stranger than that one birthday which involved a peculiar white powder and a rolled up dollar bill.

We won’t get strung into that. What we are getting into is explaining why yesterday was one long string of strange.

It began with a brunch with my family that took us to the Alcove, the same Alcove with the onion donuts mentioned in the last hangover post. In my family, our usual birthday tradition is to go out to sushi. We changed gears this year because it was my idea to go the Alcove, possibly because I was hungover. It didn’t occur to me until later on that I associate the Alcove’s food with hanging out with friends or coworkers while recovering from these hangovers. So at least having the part about having a hangover was right – but seeing my family at one of these tables where I had recovered from drinking stirred something in my head. It was a weird connection and it just didn’t feel quite right. I mean, it was fine, but it was putting together two worlds that until now had completely independent contexts. I do not associate my immediate family with the rest of the LA spots I frequent. And I wonder why that is. In fact, I can’t picture them outside of Eagle Rock and Pasadena even though I know very well they have the capability to be in different parts of LA.

At least the food helped with the hangover. I think that was most of the point of that part of my day.

The next thing that was weird was kind of a minor detail, but I’ll write about it anyway. I went to pick up some software at my local music store. And nobody recognized me. Well, not at first. My hair has grown an entire half foot since the last time I bought anything from there, so when I gave my credit card to the guy behind the counter, he paused, looked up, and said, “Oh, Nico! Shit, your hair got way long, I didn’t even recognize you.”

Yeah. Apparently.

Another more minor detail was walking into American Apparel before heading out to work at the bar that night. Usually those workers are pretty apathetic and let me do my thing. But upon walking in there, every single visible employee looked straight at me and the company I walked in with. And no hello. Just an unsettling stare. So we browsed for a minute and left. That has not happened before, but I really only know the night staff. So maybe the day staff is just awkward. Or maybe I’ve done something offensive? I don’t purport to know anything about the customs of hipsters.

Then came work at the bar. The show itself was good, so that part went swimmingly. Getting to see a bunch of bands I’ve known for a long time, some of whom I hadn’t seen in ages, play specifically for my birthday show — that was actually a real treat. I was especially excited to see Milk:Blood since we’ve been bands together before, and ever since those projects we’ve been musician colleagues. I’ve broken so many guitar strings on stage playing alongside that guy. Ah, the nostalgia that comes from camaraderie.

So the music part was fine. Really appreciate all the musicians who were able to make it to the show, even the ones who I couldn’t fit on the bill but who have been regulars for some time had showed up. It was a really good feeling to see that kind of loyalty to the venue.

Also, I got really, really drunk. Hell, it’s a birthday, right?

Only, when work was closing is when the strangeness started. That bartendress I talked about a few posts back got into what I believe was a scuffle with our bar owner. My brother heard something along the lines of an argument or an insult exchanged between them in passing. Something completely out of this girl’s character. Or maybe there’s more to her character than she let on. Either way, we didn’t get involved and during the whole thing nobody made eye contact.

Weird.

And during the ride back, my brother and I talked about how weird the day had been. Recounting everything that happened up until the bar argument (or, “bargument”, as I like to call it) we then marveled in a stupor at what was my 25th birthday. We just kept filling the silences with the words “weird…” and “huh…” and “wtf?”, and either scratched our heads or let the weight of the confusion be heavy enough to tilt our heads to one side. Okay, for me that weight would probably be all the drinks I had. The point is, the pauses in our conversation were that of perplexity.

And then, during one of those pregnant pauses, a car hit us.

Thanks to my brother’s understanding of handling a car (for which he thanks Gran Turismo) we didn’t get knocked off the road, but considering how the other car was going much faster than we were, and on the tiny and winding freeway that is the 110 North in Pasadena, I’m surprised we didn’t lose all control and skid head long into a guard rail. And there was minimal damage done to the bumper of my brother’s poor Saab, but I have to remember that that thing is a freaking tank. So much of the damage must have been sustained by the douchebag trying to take a sharp 110 freeway curve at 90+ mph with a shitty car.

It did give us a scare, though. We came out of it unharmed, and my brother got us back safe and sound. But the adrenaline that came with wondering if there’s car damage, strung together with the anger of lack of closure because we weren’t able to encounter the person responsible for hitting us, is what finally pushed me to stumble into the bathroom and throw up as an appropriate culmination of 4 consecutive nights of drinking heavily.

And in that respect, taking 4 nights of drinking to actually get me to throw up is kind of like catharsis from this whole journey. The release of emotion. Only for me, it was more of a release of bile. And some chunks of what used to be tempura.

Or maybe catharsis itself is like throwing up. I like that better.

Oh, and as for the birthday itself, I did get a pretty cool present.

Parents: What do you want for you birthday?

Me: A strings section!

Parents: Okay. Wait, a what?

And the crazy part? I got one:

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What was that about foreshadowing, again?

Hangover #3

Saturday, June 14th, 2008

The onion rings at The Alcove, which are popularly known as “onion donuts” to the locals, are a good greasy solution to fooling your body that it’s still hydrated.

Iced coffee also makes a good companion.

Last night of consecutive drinking is tonight, and I’m fixing to get obliterated.

Tonight’s Toast

PERDUCO PERDITIO!

“to carry through the destruction!”

Hangover #2

Friday, June 13th, 2008

…is also a little bit of a stone-over. That is, the little bit of mental slowdown one can get from smoking out. I just feel… stupid. Not as in a regretful way, but head is a little cloudy.

I realize I haven’t explained why I’ve embarked on this little rollercoaster of inebriation. I’ll do that when it’s all over. When uh, my vocabulary comes back.

Hangover #1

Thursday, June 12th, 2008

Among other strange things in the office are brine shrimp tablets in our kitchen’s freezer. Weird.

Goddam, it’s bright out.

Goodbye, Sobriety

Wednesday, June 11th, 2008

Tonight begins my four day trek into 4 straight nights of drinking, something which I have not done since college.

Wish me luck.

Tonight’s Toast

ad levitas inebrium.

“To the lightness of being drunk.”

Ain't that the gorram truth?

Monday, June 9th, 2008

A friend and coworker sent me a link to something that measures how often I curse in this blog.

Results:

The Blog-O-Cuss Meter - Do you cuss a lot in your blog or website?

Nice.