As I fancy myself an optimist, I try to keep myself from bitching and moaning. But the music business frustrates me to no end.

Now, I’m not talking about how the music industry refuses to adapt to modern times. That’s a rant for elsewhere, and it has already been done much more eloquently than I could do it.

This is about working for a venue. And having to deal with managers as a booking agent. A lot of venues that have full-time booking agents might prefer dealing with a manager for an artist, but not me. Booking bands isn’t my full-time job. Nor is it anyone else’s at the bar. We are really just a small spot that want to hang out with friends and meet good people, and just want to keep the bar alive by selling drinks. That’s it. We’re more of a community than we are a business. We’re not out to make a killing. We just don’t want to die.

And a lot of bands just don’t seem to get that.

For those of you that don’t work in a bar, my life can be described thus:

Imagine that in your daily life you are pestered at least twice a day from various communication outlets by people you don’t know asking if they can hang out at your hangout. Now, imagine putting in place a filtering system (email? MySpace?) to get people to follow directions so that you can sort out this mess and organize who can hang out and when they should.

Imagine someone representing those people who want to hang out. They are contacting you on the behalf of the people who want to hang out. “I have a group of five kids/prima donnas that want to hang out with you at your bar.” And then imagine them asking to get paid. And then asking for free drinks. And expecting people to want to pay hang out with them. And dropping biiiiig impressive names thinking you actually give a shit. And talking about how many people bought the last CD, how many MySpace friends they have, how many labels are interested in them, and how marketable they are – when in the back of your mind you just want to ask, “Okay… but are they fun to hang out with?”

So I guess my problem is with managers, who these days are pretty much obsolete.

Musicians: YOU DON’T NEED A FUCKING MANAGER. If your phone is ringing off the hook (or cellphone charger?) every hour about your next show, and you have to drop some money because your CD is sold out, or if you are actually signed to a label and you don’t understand legalese, or if people are filling your shows to capacity, you might need a manager. If you have none of these, please be realistic!

It is not a manager’s job to get you a show. It is a manager’s job to organize the shows you are being offered.

It is not a manager’s job to make sure you get money. It is a manager’s job to organize the money you already have coming in.

What I don’t understand is how the word “manager” became essentially “aggressive salesperson.”

And whatever happened to DIY?

In my college band, we were able to sell out all of our t-shirts and stickers, had to make burned copies of our own CD because we ran out all the time, and were able to book a tour through the South-West of the US, and we did this all by ourselves.

Your music should speak for itself. I don’t ever want to see someone hired to speak for your music. Because with a manager, you’re just a number, and less of an artist. You’re a commodity. And your “manager” is shilling you. You’re a cog in a rusty machine. You are SO on the border of SPAM COUNTRY. And our bar has issued an embargo on all goods and services produced in Spam Country.

I hate music business. I hate it I hate it I hate it. ARGH.

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