Nevermind.
Archive for June, 2007
Oh, Wait.
Monday, June 25th, 2007…
Monday, June 25th, 2007I don’t think I was charged rent for June. This can either be because the apartment complex has either forgotten about it in transition to our new managers or that it will get charged at the same time as July’s rent. In the latter case, I’d feel safe but I would get knocked down for two months worth of rent.
And as much as it makes me uneasy to know if it’ll get charged or not, I’m doing nothing about asking our managers in hopes that they did, indeed, forget about June.
And Erin, it’s not a new design, it’s an update. A new design constitutes a complete change of face, but I’ve just moved my mast-head and put in my Xbox 360 gamertag. I realize that that’s all nrrrd and web semantics, but it basically means “I just moved something. That’s not a re-design.” I’m flattered that you think I put that much work into it, but I cannot live a lie. ;)
“Hello, Alice”
Tuesday, June 19th, 2007Fred, you’ve unleashed my inner lit nerd.
I’ll explain:
Fred let me borrow a book called “Exegesis”. I actually don’t think is an appropriate title for the book, I would have gone with “Hello, Alice” or something either less erudite or not sharing the name of a Phillip K. Dick work–but that complaint aside, this book has recently blown my mind.
It hasn’t blown my mind in a ‘question-self-and-existence’ kind of way, nor is it novel in the way that it seems to be an epistolary re-telling of Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein. It has blown my mind in the way that I wonder, as someone who once wanted to be a writer, to get a post-post-modern method of epistolary writing to be such a really really good page-turner. Seriously, after starting it last night, I am finishing the book tonight. It’s that good.
I would someday like to write something in this voice that is as fun to read. Perhaps I can learn something from it?
Alright, Fine, I’ll Take That.
Thursday, June 14th, 2007It used to be that my birthday was something I got to keep to myself and made me feel special for knowing while everyone around me went about their business. When you’ve a summer birthday as a kid, you don’t get used to inviting classmates over because you don’t see them on a daily basis over the summer.
I guess I just got used to having this one day to myself. Maybe a nice dinner with the family. But that’s it. When I began to drive, I would go seclude myself in a library or when I picked up smoking, to sit and watch clouds in a park. Those were nice, because although I try to act amicable to everyone, in the end I prefer being left alone. And my birthday used to be the day I would make sure it happened.
Getting attention from others, especially since my life has recently tended to revolve around being in groups of people 7 days a week, is very, very awkward. I don’t like attention on my birthday because I don’t like attention unless I’ve accomplished something. I was born. What kind of an accomplishment is that? Everyone has been born. Big whoop.
In the same way I need to learn to take a compliment, I guess I have to learn to take a birthday greeting from this point on. Agh, dammit.
Get Off This Ride
Monday, June 11th, 2007Hm. It seems my posts indicate that I’ve been in poor spirits for the last couple of weeks, but as much as it’s a rough patch I don’t feel too bogged down.
I’m still battling mucous and a cough, but I’m not all that terrible. And in fact, as bad as I might make it seem, it’s not the worst I’ve been through.
Ah yes, there’s that optimism I keep with me so much of the time.
So, like an LA season change, my overcast AM clouds will burn up into smog soon. Wow, that’s a better analogy for me than I originally anticipated, especially since when I get better I plan to burn through an entire pack of celebratory smokes. And alcohol. My friends, prepare to get drunk dialed.
Damper
Sunday, June 10th, 2007I insist that I feel fine, but this cough just won’t go away. I had plans to drive out to other states, other towns, on this, my first weekend off in a long time and instead I’ve been kept in LA fearing that I don’t know if this head cold will relapse, stay the same, or go away.
In a lot of cases that would put a significant damper on the weekend, but at least I was able to catch an awesome concert at UCLA, thanks to Mahea and the choral group in which she takes part. Very rarely do I get to see these, and this was a real treat for someone who is used to rock bands at close range every weekend. When all else fails, Brahms won’t.
I’m blogging, because I’ve just taken cough medicine that expires AL/05 and it has left me with some strange effects. AL? Does that mean April? What happens when you take expired cough medicine? Does that mean it just has no effect? Should I have shaken the bottle? Doesn’t that just stir up the 10% alcohol that’s meant to knock you out for the night? Maybe it’s the antihistamines that are supposed to lay me out. As such, maybe histamines are a way to keep awake if this is the case. The Wikipedia entry for “antihistamine” shows me nothing but massively polysyllabic words that don’t mean a lot to me. Wait, it mentions sedation, that word makes sense.
Wiki:
Other common adverse effects in first-generation H1-antihistamines include: dizziness, tinnitus, blurred vision, euphoria, uncoordination, anxiety, insomnia, tremor, nausea and vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, dry mouth, and dry cough. Infrequent adverse effects include: urinary retention, palpitations, hypotension, headache, hallucination, and psychosis. (Rossi, 2004)
Euphoria? Moreover, it’s awesome that antihistamines can cause both sedation and insomnia. Maybe that’s where I’m at right now. After all, who decides to blog after taking medication?
I’m still coughing up a storm. Maybe this just means it has no or little effect.
Uh… What was the point of this post?
Breathe.
Monday, June 4th, 2007Ok, just gotta calm down, things are rough but this doesn’t last forever.
What doesn’t last?
What?
“What doesn’t last?”
Um, rough patches. In life, you know.
Going through a rough patch, eh?
Who are you?
I thought you were an escape artist.
I am pretty good at escapism, but there’s really no escaping work.
You could just say ‘no’ sometime, you know.
I do, but I don’t like to. I like to feel useful.
At the cost of spreading yourself thin?
No time to breathe, always have to be working.
When was the last time you asked for help?
I… don’t remember.
And why don’t you?
It makes me feel less capable.
How often must you prove that you are capable?
All the time.
You’re an atychiphobe.
I’m a what?
An Atychiphobe. One who fears failure.
Yeah, but who isn’t afraid of failure?
Those that are willing to learn from mistakes, that’s whom.
I don’t like to fail.
I believe that’s pretty apparent.
So you’re saying I should either ask for help or let something fail so that I can learn from it?
Why not?
…Huh.
Yeah. And you can apply this to the rest of your life, too. Just don’t be sucking smoke down all the time, breathe, and get to doing something you’re afraid to do.
I have a comfort zone I don’t intend to leave.
So say those that don’t get anywhere.
Huh. Interesting.
People Say…
Friday, June 1st, 2007People tell me that all I need is someone to hold my hand, run their fingers through my hair, and tell me that everything will be alright.
Well, I fucking hate people. That’s what I have to say about that. I will kick you in the nether-regions if you get that close.
Bad week. Need some escapism, stat.
